Gosh. I had a lot of time today to myself (I drove to San Antonio to see my doctor) and did a lot of processing through things.
I figured out what was wrong (and surprise, surprise, I am better!).
My doctor thought it was because maybe I’m hypomanic (I have bipolar 2), but I really don’t think that’s the case (I don’t have any of my classic symptoms).
I really do think it was anxiety because…
This week I was trying to do all of this:
1) Go back to meal planning
2) Go back to meal prepping
3) Eat “healthy” (because I bought of bunch of “healthy” food out of compulsion and felt that I needed to eat it)
4) Go back to Bible reading and prayer journaling every day
5) Do my Healthy Habits, Happy Moms gratitude journal
6) Go back to hiking multiple days a week (to work up to being able to backpack again in a few months)
7) Try to read every day
8) Try to keep a clean house and laundry caught up (even though all of the kids are home all of the time now)
9) ON TOP OF starting to homeschool again (after not homeschooling for a while because I had to put them into school because I went to rehab)… and I’m doing things a totally different way than when I homeschooled before (which will honestly help a ton over time, but it’s a new routine)
Oh, and there’s this thing… I have multiple mental illnesses: severe anxiety (general, panic, social, and obsessive/compulsive) and bipolar 2.
And I’m just 7 1/2 months out of rehab.
A bit much? Haha. Just realizing all of this made a huge difference.
So. Taking a HUGE step back.
Bible reading/prayer journaling and homeschooling are the most important to me. If my Bible reading and prayer time is going well, the rest of my day is better. So that’s my plan.
I told Robert that I may not be able to hike a ton of miles when we go in August, and that that’s okay! The goal is to be together and outdoors! We can do that without hiking 15 miles 🙂.
The funny thing is, the WHOLE purpose of the Healthy Habits, Happy Moms Balance 365 program is to teach you to make SMALL habit changes, ONE AT A TIME, yet I was still trying to #doallthethings. It’s a new mindset for me to get used to. And I’m so thankful I have those ladies to talk through all of this with.
I am feeling so peaceful tonight! I hate that I spent an entire day and $$ to go to the doctor when she didn’t really know what to do for me, but I’m thankful that I had that time alone in the car (it’s over 2 hours one way!), and I ate alone at Chili’s. It gave me a lot of opportunity to process! Yay!
I’ve been awake since 4:45 and went to bed late (and drove all day), so I am WORN OUT. I will be going to bed early and will sleep well tonight!
Tomorrow we’re back to doing school! (which, by the way, is going SO WELL so far!)
Here are a few pictures of our first day (yesterday!):
This is in the front of their binders.
We all spent 30 minutes reading.
We all chose a few sentences from our books for copywork.
Then we did one-on-one time and independent time.
I got my Thriftbooks order in and a book that I bought from a used curriculum group on Facebook. I LOVE books!
This weekend we are all going to my parents’ to get away from camp. Robert doesn’t get much time off and he needs to get away when he does get off :-). It’ll be a nice, relaxing weekend! Looking forward to it!