Cause for My Anxiety AND Our First Day of Homeschool

Gosh. I had a lot of time today to myself (I drove to San Antonio to see my doctor) and did a lot of processing through things.

I figured out what was wrong (and surprise, surprise, I am better!).

My doctor thought it was because maybe I’m hypomanic (I have bipolar 2), but I really don’t think that’s the case (I don’t have any of my classic symptoms).

I really do think it was anxiety because…

This week I was trying to do all of this:
1) Go back to meal planning
2) Go back to meal prepping
3) Eat “healthy” (because I bought of bunch of “healthy” food out of compulsion and felt that I needed to eat it)
4) Go back to Bible reading and prayer journaling every day
5) Do my Healthy Habits, Happy Moms gratitude journal
6) Go back to hiking multiple days a week (to work up to being able to backpack again in a few months)
7) Try to read every day
8) Try to keep a clean house and laundry caught up (even though all of the kids are home all of the time now)
9) ON TOP OF starting to homeschool again (after not homeschooling for a while because I had to put them into school because I went to rehab)… and I’m doing things a totally different way than when I homeschooled before (which will honestly help a ton over time, but it’s a new routine)

Oh, and there’s this thing… I have multiple mental illnesses: severe anxiety (general, panic, social, and obsessive/compulsive) and bipolar 2.

And I’m just 7 1/2 months out of rehab.

A bit much? Haha. Just realizing all of this made a huge difference.

So. Taking a HUGE step back.

Bible reading/prayer journaling and homeschooling are the most important to me. If my Bible reading and prayer time is going well, the rest of my day is better. So that’s my plan.

I told Robert that I may not be able to hike a ton of miles when we go in August, and that that’s okay! The goal is to be together and outdoors! We can do that without hiking 15 miles ūüôā.

The funny thing is, the WHOLE purpose of the Healthy Habits, Happy Moms Balance 365 program is to teach you to make SMALL habit changes, ONE AT A TIME, yet I was still trying to #doallthethings. It’s a new mindset for me to get used to. And I’m so thankful I have those ladies to talk through all of this with.

I am feeling so peaceful tonight! I hate that I spent an entire day and $$ to go to the doctor when she didn’t really know what to do for me, but I’m thankful that I had that time alone in the car (it’s over 2 hours one way!), and I ate alone at Chili’s. It gave me a lot of opportunity to process! Yay!

I’ve been awake since 4:45 and went to bed late (and drove all day), so I am WORN OUT. ¬†I will be going to bed early and will sleep well tonight!

Tomorrow we’re back to doing school! ¬†(which, by the way, is going SO WELL so far!)

Here are a few pictures of our first day (yesterday!):

This is in the front of their binders.

We all spent 30 minutes reading.

We all chose a few sentences from our books for copywork.

Then we did one-on-one time and independent time.

I got my Thriftbooks order in and a book that I bought from a used curriculum group on Facebook.  I LOVE books!

This weekend we are all going to my parents’ to get away from camp. ¬†Robert doesn’t get much time off and he needs to get away when he does get off :-). ¬†It’ll be a nice, relaxing weekend! ¬†Looking forward to it!

Simplifying for the Summer

Because of all my excitement about the “Brave Writer Lifestyle” among other things homeschooling related, I didn’t realize that I was getting more anxious by the day. ¬†I tend to get obsessed about things that I am excited about and give 200%, then it leads to anxiety (the obsessive/compulsive side of my severe anxiety).

I came home Friday from my parents’ and the kids came home from camp on Saturday. ¬†We spent that day just resting. ¬†Sunday I started to notice something. ¬†My breathing was going back to the way it was last year (and in 2013) when I had hyperventilation syndrome. ¬†It got worse through the day.

Robert came home from work in the middle of the day and I told him about it and he pointed to the table that was COVERED with curriculum and books and said “this is why!” ¬†I was also staring at my homeschool routine on my google doc (it was very congested).

In that moment I decided something needed to change because I can’t live that way again. ¬†I want homeschooling to be something that we all enjoy and that works for our family! ¬†Not something that makes my kids stressed out and causes me anxiety.


I was so thankful that a good friend of mine could chat that day. ¬†I sent her the link to the document and she helped me make necessary changes to my homeschooling routine, and I have simplified it dramatically for the summer. ¬†I don’t plan to pick up much else in August.

So I picked the non-negotiables and made my routine with that (and definitely not scheduled times… just an order that we follow)! ¬†I thought about just putting school off until the fall but decided to go ahead and start for three reasons: 1) Ethan needs the routine! ¬†2) I need the routine! ¬†3) Karis¬†desperately¬†wants to start (like last week!). ¬†It’ll be good to go ahead and start so that we can take breaks as we need to!

This is the new routine:

Nature walk/journal (a few days a week)

Friday Poetry Tea Time


  • Mom and kids will read independently for 30 minutes! ¬†
    • Read sitting on the couch, floor, chair, bean bag, at the table, or on the back porch!

Table Time

  • Copywork, dictation, narration, writing project (Brave Writer Partnership Writing), or free write (one of these per day)

One-on-One Time: The Good and the Beautiful (along with Brave Writer, I am in LOVE with this curriculum!)

  • 1-3 lessons per day (mostly one, but some of the lessons are SUPER short!)

Independent activities while I work with each kids one-on-one:

  • Handwriting Without Tears (1 page)
  • Spelling practice
  • Math U See (one video per lesson and one page per day)

Electronic time



Read aloud @bedtime- the book Wonder and a chapter out of the Bible.

This is IT!

In the fall I will add “group time” in the afternoon consisting of science OR history (not both) each day. ¬†It will probably take about 30-45 minutes for that.

I also filled the basket in our kitchen/dining area with our essentials and plan to just put things in that basket that we will use each day.  Right now it has:

  • The Good and Beautiful books
  • Handwriting books
  • A binder for each kid (with math pages, G&B printouts, spelling lists, and history questions)
  • 3 composition notebooks for each kid: writing, spelling, and nature journal
  • The book that they chose to read
  • And the readers to go with The Good and the Beautiful

In the fall I will add the Story of the World book and science (starting with a unit from G&B).

I have also been watching videos from Julie Bogart from Brave Writer about simplifying and being okay with what we can handle. ¬†She has a video titled 55 Things that We Did NOT Do As a Homeschooler. ¬†It made me feel okay with what we’re doing!

Now. ¬†Am I better today? ¬†Not 100%! ¬†But it is much better today than it was several weeks in last year, so I’ll take it.

Also, a lady in a group that I’m in told me about a technique that she does when she is struggling with this and it helped me yesterday! ¬†I also meditate and listen to spa music to relax.

Anxiety is a beast. ¬†There are soooooo many different physical symptoms and even when I feel better mentally, it takes a while for the physical symptoms to go away. ¬†It’s maddening.

I see my doctor in two weeks and if it’s still going on, we will address it then. ¬†BUT! ¬†I’m hoping it’s better by then!

I am in a parenting with anxiety group and many of the mamas in there reminded me that it won’t last forever! ¬†It might feel like it in the moment, but it will eventually get better.

Today we are starting school, then I will catch up on housework! ¬†After that I might spend some time meditating while the kids have their “electronic time”.

Despite this physical symptom of anxiety, I’m so happy about life and where we are. ¬†I’m so thankful that I no longer use alcohol to cope and that I don’t go to bed drunk every night anymore. ¬†Sometimes I dream about it and I wake up SO THANKFUL for sobriety! ¬†It’s a good reminder about why sobriety is so important!

Two Week Meal Plan, June 19th-July 2nd


I have been soooooo bad at meal planning these days (we have been busy!). ¬†We are back home for a month so I am getting back to meal planning. ¬†I bought two weeks’ worth of groceries because we won’t be in town for a while. ¬†Breakfasts and lunches will just be a list of options and dinners will be specific to the day because we are eating in the dining hall a couple nights a week.



  • Leftovers
  • Wraps, veggies and hummus, and fruit
  • Sandwiches (meat and cheese or PB&J), veggies and hummus, and fruit
  • Finger foods (salami, boiled eggs, cheese, veggies and hummus, fruit, and Triscuits or Quinoa chips)
  • Corn dogs
  • Chicken nuggets (kids)
  • Mac N Cheese with little smokies (kids)
  • Pan seared chicken on salad


  • Monday, June 19th- Dining hall, chicken tenders and large salad
  • Tuesday, June 20th- Southwestern roasted vegetable quinoa salad with poached egg
  • Wednesday, June 21st- Dining hall, chicken Alfredo and large salad
  • Thursday, June 22nd- Chicken pesto and pasta with salad
  • Friday, June 23rd- Homemade pizza (movie night) and salad
  • Saturday, June 24th-¬†Pulled pork (Instant Pot)
  • Sunday, June 25th-¬†Sweet potato black bean quinoa bowl
  • Monday, June 26th- Dining hall, chicken Alfredo and large salad
  • Tuesday, June 27th- Pan seared pork chops, baked sweet potatoes, and salad
  • Wednesday, June 28th- Dining hall, chicken tenders and large salad
  • Thursday, June 29th- Baked chicken drumsticks, mashed potatoes, and salad
  • Friday, June 30th- Easy chili
  • Saturday, July 1st- Cinnamon Apple Pork Chops
  • Sunday, July 2nd- Pan Seared Salmon, salad


  • Greek yogurt
  • Boiled eggs
  • Fruit and veggies
  • Nuts
  • Green protein smoothie


Sunday, June 18th:

  • Make a frittata
  • Make a small batch of protein oats
  • Cut/slice fruit and veggies for the week
    • Put veggies in one container and fruits in another
  • Thaw chicken breast and pork roast
  • Make homemade dressing


  • In the evening, make the brownies for teatime.

Sunday, June 25th:

  • Make a frittata
  • Make small batch of protein oats
  • Cut/slice fruit and veggies for the week
    • Put veggies in one container and fruits in another
  • Thaw pork chops, drumsticks, and ground beef
  • Make homemade dressing

ÔĽŅCreating a Language Rich Environment, Making Science Fun, and Curriculum that We Have Landed On

(I wrote this post earlier and accidentally reverted it back to a previous saved draft so I’m starting again with just a portion of it.)

I can hardly contain my excitement and my revived love for education. ¬†I have learned so much about creating a language rich environment and following my kids’ curiosities!

I also want to help them grow as writers in a gentle way. ¬†I have had such high expectations in this area and have been frustrated when they didn’t meet those expectations. ¬†Truth is, some kids need things to move really slowly in order to build their confidence. ¬†Karis is one of those kiddos. ¬†She has always struggled with writing and always says “I’m not a good writer.” ¬†It’s because she has never had anyone value what she had to say in writing. ¬†And she always worked so hard to follow a specific format that she just followed the format to a “t” and didn’t have good content. ¬†I want the content to be the most important at this point. ¬†The mechanics and format will come!

The way that I’m going to do this for the kids is copywork and dictation (to reinforce good grammar and writing, sometimes using Brave Writer products but also just coming up with copywork from their novels), free-writes (allowing them to write with a prompt without correction), writing projects (making writing fun thanks to Brave Writer!), and reading lots and lots of good literature. ¬†I have so many good novels and just bought some more classics ($1 each!) on a used curriculum Facebook page. ¬†I’ll also use¬†The Good and the Beautiful¬†for mechanics and format, but it’ll be a while before we get to writing with format. ¬†I started them on “low levels” because the curriculum is super advanced, and there isn’t much writing in the lower levels! ¬†And I’m not worried about the level, really. ¬†I want to build confidence and fill in gaps because they didn’t learn much grammar in school.

I’m also going to start “Poetry Teatime” every Friday. ¬†I am beyond excited about this!

I was excitedly telling Robert about this and told him that I need to buy a tea set but they are so expensive! ¬†He then had a great idea: buy one at Goodwill! ¬†Then I remembered that our Goodwill in Kerrville has SO MUCH fine china and fancy dishes. ¬†I bet I can find multiple there for cheap! ¬†I cannot wait to check it out Friday! ¬†Karis is going to LOVE this and Levi was so excited when I showed him this video. ¬†I’m not sure how Ethan will like it, but I’m sure he’ll eventually warm up to the idea :-). ¬†Especially if he knows he’ll get treats! ¬†It’s just something special to look forward to, and we can invite friends sometimes as well!

I also ordered 3 Shel Silverstein poetry books for the kids to read during our Poetry Teatime!

I am reviving Morning Time next week. ¬†We will read scripture and memorize it, memorize poetry (thanks to a free level one of Poetry Memorization by IEW that I received a while back… many poems and audios to go with them!), read aloud (starting with the book Wonder), and we will have a fine arts/literature loop: Aesop’s Fables, Fairy Tales, Shakespeare, Artist study, composer study, and music appreciation. ¬†Art appreciation will happen during the one-on-one lessons of¬†The Good and the Beautiful!

I also just really love¬†The Good and the Beautiful! It’s gentle yet thorough and so inexpensive! ¬†I’m so thankful to have found all of this!

Now on to science…

I have Apologia Astronomy but haven’t been consistent with it for a couple of reasons. ¬†1) It’s only ONE type of science for the whole year and 2) It’s a text book and kind of dry and wordy. ¬†I’m not sure that it’s the best fit for us.

I have decided recently that I want to make science fun this year as we embark on our first full year of homeschooling.  I want them to fall in love with learning and with homeschooling in general.  I want some things to be child led, and science is one of those things that can be done that way!  I have decided to pull out all of my science resources.

I also bought a science unit from¬†The Good and the Beautiful to try! ¬†These units are great because while they are for elementary, they can be adapted for older kids. ¬†Each lesson has activities for further study. ¬†I also bought a book to go with the unit for Karis. ¬†These units are short so they won’t get burned out on one type of science.

I had bought Exploring Nature with Children a few months ago and this week I bought The Handbook of Nature Study to go with it and plan to implement this!

I have these resources at home, along with many science picture books!  The Usborne Science Encyclopedia has internet links with videos and activities as well as experiments throughout!

I will probably do a unit on Owls with an Owl Pellet Dissection at some point just for fun!

When the kids get into 7th or 8th grade, I will probably go back to Apologia for General Science to get them ready for high school science. ¬†But we’ll see!

We will be continuing Math U See for many reasons: 1) It’s video, hands on, and worksheet, 2) The teacher is amazing and helps the kids learn in a way that makes sense, 3) The kids like it! ¬†It has helped Karis understand something that she didn’t understand when she did Teaching Textbooks. ¬†I’m a believer in Math U See!

We will continue¬†Story of the World¬†for many reasons: 1) It’s in story form, 2) I have many great resources to use to reinforce what they are learning, 3) There is map work and fun activities to do with it, 4) There is an audio book, 5) The kids are excited about learning ancient history!

I ordered¬†Home¬†Education¬†by Charlotte Mason because it was on sale! ¬†I can’t wait to start reading it and implementing things as I go!

Home Education

Can’t wait to get started!

Breath of Fresh Air and The Brave Writer Lifestyle

Writing has been one of the things that I have struggled with from the beginning. ¬†I was considered an excellent writing teacher when I taught, but it hasn’t gone as well at home. Karis HATES writing and dreads it every day. ¬†There have been many tears over writing. ¬†I have tried teaching it the way I taught in public school (Writer’s Workshop), Writing with Ease, Writing and Rhetoric, WriteShop, Essentials in Writing, and most recently IEW. ¬†Some of those I liked and she hated. ¬†Some of those she didn’t hate (still didn’t like) but I hated. ¬† ¬†She didn’t get good instruction in school either. ¬†It has just been a terrible struggle for years. ¬†She even hated it when she was in school back in Frisco (Writer’s Worshop). ¬†She would spend weeks on one paper and she wouldn’t end up turning them in, which resulted in poor grades.

I thought that she needed IEW because it tells you what to write. ¬†You use a passage and a keyword outline. ¬†This worked okay, but I honestly hated it… and I know she didn’t love it. ¬†The more we got into it, the harder it was for both of us. ¬†I chose this program because that’s “the program” to create good writers. ¬†I thought it was my only choice.

I was going to continue IEW for my kids… then I was going to just use it for Karis and use Writing with Ease for the boys (because I felt that they wouldn’t do well with the strictness of IEW).

A few days ago I was chatting in The Good and Beautiful Facebook group and learned about “The Brave Writer Lifestyle.” ¬†I had never heard of this (though I had heard of the curriculum, I had never heard of the “lifestyle.”). ¬†Many of the ladies that use The Good and the Beautiful also use Brave Writer for writing (G&B doesn’t have the greatest writing… at least in the lower levels).

I decided to check out “Brave Writer Lifestyle” on YouTube because I was curious what that meant.

I wasn’t prepared to have my whole view of homeschooling changed by a new philosophy of education.

Check out the video below:

It’s an hour long so I’ll summarize it with these bullet points:

  • Poetry Teatimes
    • Have a time set aside each week to set the table with a tablecloth, have tea or hot chocolate or whatever your kids want to drink, a breakfast treat like scones or muffins, then let your kids read their favorite poetry.
  • Read alouds
    • Read aloud from many and varied books each day
  • Copywork/dictation
    • The kids should copy sentences and paragraphs and write from dictation.
  • Art appreciation
    • Appreciate art… look at it and discuss
  • Shakespeare
    • Read Shakespeare, watch Shakespeare movies and plays, etc.
  • Movies/television
    • Watch documentaries, watch movies of good books, etc.
    • Movies and tv teach characterization, plot, etc.
  • Friday Free Writes
    • Set a timer and write. ¬†You can use a prompt if necessary. ¬†The kids write about anything that is on their mind. ¬†Pay no attention to grammar and mechanics. ¬†Do not correct, just admire. ¬†Write while the kids write if possible.
    • The kid can write “I don’t know what to write” over and over if necessary, as long as their pencil is moving!
  • Nature journaling
    • Go on nature walks and draw/color/paint pictures of what you see.
  • Literary elements
    • Learn about things such as metaphors, analogies, similes, alliteration, etc.
  • One on one time
    • Give each child one-on-one time each day, even if it’s just a few minutes.
  • Language games
    • Play games such as scrabble, Scattergories, Cranium, Apples to Apples, etc
    • Also do crosswords and word searches
  • Writing projects
    • Make writing fun! ¬†Turn it into a project (use her ideas if you need them!).
    • This will only be one a month or even less if necessary.


Then I decided to keep watching Julie Bogart YouTube videos.

Can I just say that she’s a breath of fresh air? ¬†I have had so much anxiety about homeschooling (even though I was so excited about it) because I carried so much weight thinking that I had to do everything a certain way, that the kids needed to be on or above “level,” that I needed to have a schedule so that Ethan could thrive (because I thought he needs extreme structure), that I needed to have “school at home,” that I had to have the perfect curriculum in order to have everyone on or above level, and so much more. ¬†I have spent so much money over the years on curriculum because I didn’t trust myself to teach them and because I wanted “rigor.”

Here are some great ones!

Through all of this I’ve decided to:

  • Do The Good and the Beautiful for all of language arts but writing (I got my books the other day and I LOVE them! ¬†They are beautiful!).
  • Go ahead and do copywork, dictation, and narration with all of my kids, not just the boys (using Brave Writer products to reinforce mechanics, learn literary elements, etc through novels).
  • Do writing projects with all of the kids.
  • Do Friday free-writes.
  • Continue with my plans to do nature journaling, read Shakespeare, do art appreciation, and do read-alouds. ¬†A lot of this will happen during morning time.
  • Do poetry tea time every Friday (get out the tablecloth, make a breakfast treat, have hot chocolate and/or tea, and allow the kids to choose their own poetry to read). ¬†I showed Levi the video about this and he is so excited! ¬†I have so many poetry books that we haven’t been reading.

If I can’t implement all of these all the time, that’s okay. ¬†It’s just a guide. ¬†She even says that sometimes she goes months without implementing some of these things.

I’m learning to be okay when they aren’t “perfect” at things because NO ONE IS PERFECT. ¬†And small kids shouldn’t be expected to do things that aren’t developmentally appropriate for them. ¬†Also, writing comes easy for some people and not for others. ¬†That’s normal.

Rigor doesn’t equal right. ¬†Rigor isn’t my personality and it’s not the personality of my kids. ¬†Sarah McKenzie talks about this in her book Teaching From Rest. ¬†I have learned a TON through that book as well (read twice and listened to 3 times)! ¬†There are tons of videos on YouTube about it, and I suggest watching the 3 part Teaching From Rest book club! ¬†This is the gist of the book and a great conversation about it.

I feel like I can take a deep breath and just enjoy being home with my kids educating them!

Most of what I’m adopting for our family is the Charlotte Mason method of education (along with a little bit of classical). ¬†I am at such peace and “in love” with where I have landed!

Here are some pictures of The Good and the Beautiful:

Here are some pictures of Brave Writer:

I can’t wait to get started!

The Best Saturday in a Long Time

Yesterday was a fantastic day. ¬†Robert didn’t work. ¬†He’s not home often right now. ¬†There are so many projects going on here at camp. ¬†Things should slow down soon, and we are taking a few trips this summer.

We cleaned up the house, Robert worked on our Xterra a bit, then we went to town so Robert could buy some things for camp.

We went to Sonic for ice cream, went to the park (a new one that we hadn’t tried before), and went to a book store that we had never been to before.

The kids played on the little kid stuff at the park :-).  Haha.

The book store that we went to gives 75% off the cover price if you bring a book to trade (I didn’t know this so I paid 50% off the cover price). You have to bring kid books to buy a kid book. But we have a lot that we won’t read. I think we’ll plan to let the kids pick out a book each time that we go into town. This will give them something to look forward to and maybe the boys will enjoy reading more (well, Levi enjoys it already but Ethan pretty much hates it). Levi started reading one of his Star Wars books right away and is several chapters in. It blows me away that he can read and comprehend books that are written for older kids. Karis actually struggled with reading until she got a little older (now she’s on like an 8th grade level). Ethan has always struggled (and still does). So for Levi to be in first grade (well, just finished) and able to read big chapter books blows me away. He’s also really good at math. And spelling. Things just come easy to him! I’m thankful!

I didn’t get Karis any books because she has a LOT of books that she loves (the boys don’t), and I just didn’t see any that she would enjoy.

We also got stuff for s’mores and hot dogs at Walmart.

When I went to Walmart to get the stuff for s’mores, I had to walk by the cases of beer (cause grilling, fires, s’mores, and beer all goes together). I looked closely at my Blue Moon that I used to drink. I had a fleeting thought of how nice it was when I could drink it and sometimes I miss it. But. I wouldn’t trade where I am today for what I felt like a year ago. I’ve had anxiety lately but it’s nothing like it was a year ago. I had hyperventilation syndrome and I couldn’t breathe right. I had restless legs a lot. I had terrible insomnia. I would wake up after the alcohol had worn off and couldn’t go back to sleep. Every. Single. Night. I tried everything to be able to sleep. I had an obsession and compulsion to drink and the more I had the more I wanted. It was never enough. I threw up multiple times a week (like I’ve mentioned before). The room spun every night, and I often passed out. Many, many times I woke up wondering if I had done anything that I shouldn’t have (looking at texts, FB messages, and fb posts). I also didn’t remember a lot. Being an alcoholic is ugly and embarrassing. There’s nothing glamorous about it. And statistics show that 15% of people are addicts/alcoholics so I know there are people reading this that are and don’t know it. Or they don’t want to admit it. You can have this freedom that I have with some work! I’m 228 days sober today and I take it one day at a time!

We ended the night with a fire in the fire ring. ¬†We roasted hot dogs and made s’mores. ¬†Some neighbor kiddos came and told camp fire stories. ¬†It was super cute. ¬†The kids had a blast.

Ethan told me yesterday that it was the best day of his life.

I would agree that it was a pretty good day.

Working Through Anxiety and Learning So Much!

This week has been a doozy.

Wednesday I got an email from Levi’s teacher that said:

“I’ve enjoyed him this year! I remember when he first came to school. He had trouble socializing with the kids, following routines, and remembering rules. Public school was a challenge . Now he fits in with the kids, has a lot of friends and does so well. We did a memory book of first grade and one page says “my best friend are”…… Levi was mentioned in all of the boys books and a couple of the girls. He is ¬†a star shining bright! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to spend this year with him!”

Then I found out that Ethan has been mean to another kid.  His behavior has gotten worse since I told them they were homeschooling.

I felt anxiety for several days because of this.  I thought that maybe they were better off in school.

Through anxiety this week I have learned a few things…

  1. It’s probably never going to go away so I need to stop assuming it will.
  2. I’m not causing it by decisions that I’ve made… I have it because I have an anxiety disorder.
  3. Learning to work THROUGH it instead of wishing it away will be the best thing for me in the long run.
  4. Giving myself grace is so important.
  5. I have this assumption that peace means that I’ve done good and anxiety means that I have done something bad.
  6. Anxiety comes and goes. ¬†It’s like waves.
  7. Prayer makes a huge difference, believe it or not.
  8. It’s normal to feel nervous about starting something new again (homeschooling), and I WILL have anxiety some days even though we know this is the right thing.
  9. I have spent so much time over the years changing decisions based on anxiety.  If I felt anxiety, I would change my mind on something.  Then when I would feel anxiety again, I would change my mind again.  It has been a back-and-forth thing for as long as I can remember.  I need to learn to stick with decisions even on the hard days (and there WILL be hard days).

Robert and I talked about how we decided to homeschool based on what is best for our family as a whole, not because they were struggling at school.  It works so much better out here at camp.

I decided that no matter what, we need to stick with our decision. ¬†It wasn’t just me that made the decision, and I need to trust that God is working in Robert’s heart in this matter, too. ¬†The fact that he wants to homeschool now says a lot about this decision.

Yesterday the boys were saying that they want to go to school next year. ¬†They had an amazing week of not doing much school work, playing, and partying. ¬†They were saying that they will miss their friends and bus driver (really?!). ¬†Haha. ¬†I told them that they WILL be homeschooling next year and they seemed okay with that. ¬†I think they needed me to just tell them what we’re doing no matter what (I had to come to terms with it as well). ¬†This morning they were cheering about being homeschoolers now and how excited they are! ¬†They just needed to be home to remember what it was like. ¬†They have played outside all morning, and I’m sitting on the porch while they play outside. ¬†Next week they will start reading 30 minutes a day, and we will start school in July so we can take breaks as needed during the year. ¬†We will take a week off when we go to Glorieta camp for family camp (and to see Robert’s parents) at the end of July (it starts on my birthday!).

We’re all just so at peace today and enjoying life. ¬†The house is a mess, and I’m going to have to let that go now that they are home. ¬†Luckily they clean up quickly, well, and without a fight so it should be fine.

Life is hard, but it is good. ¬†I trust God and His plans even when they don’t always make sense. ¬†I need to stick with things and be content with where we are in life.

The kids and I went swimming after the boys got home yesterday (at 1:00)! ¬†It was super fun! ¬†This will be a regular activity! ¬†When the lifeguards are out, they can play on the toys. ¬†When they aren’t, we just swim :-). ¬†Their favorite thing is the floating dock. ¬†They get on, jump off, on, off.

This morning I woke up (at 9:00!) to them playing on the back porch and yard. ¬†They haven’t done that in a long time… they mostly play across the street under our neighbor’s porch. ¬†They are enjoying the Pokemon card game!

I’m also very rested today, which I haven’t been in a long time. ¬†So that helps my anxiety considerably! ¬†I have been sooooo tired and not sleeping well. ¬†I slept the whole night last night!

I’m realizing today just how different life is now that I’m sober. ¬†In the past I would have started drinking in a few hours because that’s what I did. ¬†I drank typically starting at noon into the evening. ¬†Maybe not every day, but most days. ¬†I wasn’t living life! ¬†I was in a fog all of the time… never alert to what was going on around me. ¬†Now I can think clearly and experience things.

Life is good!  Praise God!

Healthy Habits, Self Love, and Self Care

This is kind of a hard post to write because it means me finding my voice and maybe going against something that I’ve been told over and over again. ¬†I’ve also learned to take the good from something and to be okay if I don’t agree with every part.

The body positive community is a tough one. ¬†On one hand, they helped me to learn to hate my body less, learn to eat more balanced (and stop dieting), learn to not feel guilty if I don’t eat perfectly, helped me to understand that fat phobia is a real thing and I’m in the process of overcoming that, helped me to see others in a different light, helped me to learn to eat when hungry and stop when full (intuitive eating), and much more! ¬† On the other hand, they are very feminist (which I have mixed feelings about), very anti-weight loss (which I have mixed feelings about because what if weight loss is the outcome of intuitive eating and joyful movement?), and I feel that they don’t seem to think that health is all that important.

I have been feeling guilty for wanting to eat healthy, for wanting to exercise (and have goals in this area), and for disagreeing with the community in any way, shape, or form.

Today I have been talking with the ladies in the Healthy Habits, Happy Moms group that I’m in, and they have helped me to feel empowered to do what I want for myself, my body, and my mental/physical/emotional health. ¬†Dieting doesn’t work. ¬†Habit change and intuitive eating does work. ¬†And if I don’t lose weight due to being healthy, that’s okay too. ¬†Healthy habits are my goal. ¬†I have decided that it’s okay if I want to start running again (despite being told that I shouldn’t). ¬†I want to become strong again. ¬†I want to be able to run a 5k again. ¬†I want to be able to hike long-distance again. ¬†I want to be able to feel good and not need a nap every day. ¬†I want to be able to backpack long-distance again. ¬†I want to continue to have a balanced view of food and feel okay with eating Cheetos, but also feel good about eating veggies. ¬†I don’t want to feel guilty for either. ¬†I want health to be my goal but to not feel guilty for wanting to lose weight in the back of my mind. ¬†I can’t help it and it doesn’t make me a bad person.

For my self care, I am going back to focusing on healthy habits. ¬†The two that I’m going to work on are: Doing Couch to 5k and reducing sugar in my coffee. ¬†I will continue eating balanced, taking vitamins/meds/supplements, and working on self love. ¬†The behaviors of exercise and balanced eating are what make me feel good, so that’s what I want. ¬†I also want to feel strong. ¬†When I was running before I felt so proud of myself and accomplished. ¬†I was able to handle so much physically. ¬†I ended up backpacking 23 miles in one day at one time (that wasn’t planned and I hurt for days afterwards, but I did it!). ¬†When we backpack, we typically hike 13-14 miles on average in a day. ¬†I want to be able to do that again! ¬†Right now, if I walk up a hill I feel terrible. ¬†I am so out of shape. ¬†I will probably also start doing strength training again eventually, but I’ll get there… don’t want to overwhelm myself. ¬†Three days of walking/running is sufficient for now! ¬†Self care is my goal, but if weight loss is the outcome, that doesn’t make me anti-body positive.

I want to also eventually try to increase my water intake and decrease my soda intake… but that’ll come. ¬†One habit at a time! ¬†Studies show that the more habits you try to change the least successful you are at actually making those changes.

The biggest thing that I am learning lately is that I need to stop caring so much what people say or think. ¬†I need to do what I need to do for myself. ¬†The same thing happened with my desire to homeschool. ¬†It all comes down to what’s best for me and what’s best for our family!

Robert completely agrees with me on all of this, and I’m so happy to have his support!

School Room, Rules, Reward System, Chore Charts and Commission

So a few months ago when I started thinking about wanting to homeschool the boys again I started watching this YouTuber called Homeschool on the Hill.  I had searched for videos on the spelling that I will be doing with Karis and it brought me to her.  I have watched so many of her videos, and I have learned so much!  One of the videos that I took so much from was about her rules and rewards system.  I literally copied her rules completely.  They are just so thorough and cover everything.

I am doing pretty much the same reward system but I already had everything to do that so it just makes sense.

I bought these sticker charts about a year ago and for a while we used them for chores, but I have gone to a commission system for that (more about that to come).

I will be using the sticker charts for the reward system now. ¬†I’m going with her system of 3 strikes and you’re out. ¬†They will get a sticker if they get less than 3 checks by their name on the board (the hope is ZERO checks, but let’s be real, that’s not likely to happen).

If they want to, after 5 stickers they can get something from the treasure box (little pieces of candy from Easter, ha!).  I may add some toys and things to it to earn if they would like as well.

If they want to save up, they can get a coupon for 10 stickers.

I have some coupons that I got from a friend (they are Christmas coupons, but oh well).

Our rewards include:

  • Delayed bedtime
  • Cook something yummy (their choice)
  • Bubble bath with candles and lots of bubbles
  • Go to the library today
  • You choose dinner
  • Brand new pencil
  • Movie rental (we use Amazon Prime)
  • Sleep in
  • Delayed start to school one hour
  • Reading day! Curl up with a good book
  • Your birthday off
  • No handwriting this week
  • Get out of one assignment
  • Science experiment of choice
  • Out to lunch
  • Get out of one chore
  • 100 on spelling test
  • Unlimited electronic time (after school)
  • Trip to movies (all 3 kids with a full chart)

I realize that not everyone agrees with a reward system, but I have seen it work really well in the classroom so I’m going to give it a shot! ¬†There will be some things that they will just flat out lose privileges for such as tantrums, hurting someone, talking back, bad attitude toward me, lying, being sneaky, etc. ¬†The consequences will be losing electronic privileges, losing the opportunity to play with friends, getting things taken away, etc. ¬†We don’t really spank anymore because we never really found it to work. ¬†Losing privileges and rewards are the biggest motivators to make good choices. ¬†I’m hopeful that this time will go more smoothly.

Now onto chores…

We have a fantastic system in place that has been working consistently for quite a while. ¬†The kids have a chore chart and they get 25 cents per check. ¬†This is a Dave Ramsey thing… he calls it commission. ¬†They won’t do every chore every day… it’ll be as needed. ¬†Then¬†they get paid like someone does when they work. ¬†They then have to save some and can spend some. ¬†On the weekends we clean the whole house as a family. ¬†We call this our “weekend chores.” ¬†It works really well!

And our school room…

It’s very tiny. ¬†We don’t even have room for everyone to have their own workspace. ¬†Luckily Karis likes to do her work in the living room (on the couch and floor!), so I have a space for each boy. ¬†Honestly, we will probably do a lot of their work at the kitchen table anyway. ¬†It’s just good for them to have some space to sit and do some of their independent work (they don’t have a ton, but they have some).

Here it is!

Now, For Curriculum We Will Use…

…MOST things I already have! ¬†I ordered a few things (some used). ¬†And I’m borrowing several things from my neighbor! ¬†I am set for the year!

Morning Time

I haven’t been super consistent with this in the past, but I’m going to try again :-). ¬†I have so many great resources that I want to use! ¬†I will do this on a loop schedule. ¬†Literature and poetry, fine arts, geography, and Bible.



Math (Math U See)

For the boys

For Karis

Language Arts

They will be doing¬†The Good and the Beautiful¬†for phonics, reading, grammar, spelling, art appreciation, and geography (levels 2 and up). ¬†The boys are starting with level 1, and Karis will be starting with level 3 because it’s very advanced. ¬†They need the spelling and grammar from the lower levels.



Karis will be doing IEW Ancient History-Based Writing Lessons.

Ethan and Levi will be doing Writing With Ease Level 2 (this is narration, dictation, and copywork).

All 3 kids will also read novels and library books and do a reading response journal using these:

Reading Response Menus

Informational Text Question Cards

Reading Response Question Cards

I will also use this list of “book reports” to have them report on the books that they read in a creative way.

Here are a few pictures of the reading response questions that we will use:

This is a rubric to go with the menus.


Science (Apologia Astronomy)

I had this for this past year but I wasn’t consistent with it. ¬†We’re going to use it this coming year. ¬†We will add field trips to it! ¬†The McDonald Observatory, the Scobee Education Center Planetarium, and NASA. ¬†It’s going to be so much fun!


We’re borrowing Story of the World Volume One: Ancient Times¬†from my neighbor.

I bought these to go with it.  The encyclopedia has internet links to go with it.

These will be our read alouds… one per month.

Handwriting (Handwriting Without Tears)

For Levi

For Ethan

For Karis

Nature Studies and Poetry Memorization

Journaling a Year in Nature by Simply Charlotte Mason

I think this is everything :-).  It seems like a lot, but many things we will not do everyday.