April 22, 2014 by Courtney
I have had so much growth that I’m not sure how to put it into words. I will do my best.
For the first time in YEARS, I am able to think clearly. I am able to truly process through my thoughts, and I have so much more control over them than I ever have.
I have JOY. Joy in the little things. Joy in the big things. Joy in everything in between.
I enjoy my family. I enjoy reading to my littles. I enjoy doing activities with my family. I enjoy watching the kiddos play outside while I sit in a lawn chair. I enjoy sitting and playing games with my husband. I enjoy just chatting with him. I enjoy being engaged and intentional.
I have learned that perfectionism isn’t beneficial. I don’t care as much about my home being perfectly cleaned and organized, and I am able to keep it manageable without too much trouble. But I don’t mind having Legos all over the floor. I am teaching the kids to be involved in the cleaning and don’t mind that it’s not perfect.
I have learned that anxiety and depression aren’t ME. They are things that I sometimes struggle with, but my identity is not in them. My identity is in Christ. He is the hope of glory.
I have learned that I have many purposes in this life… from getting physically/emotionally/mentally healthy, to taking care of my family, to enjoying the birds and flowers and squirrels, to loving others with the love of Christ. Each day when I wake up I get to decide that I have purposes for that day, and I get choose to live those purposes out.
I have learned that I have a choice in how I think. I can choose to think unhealthy thoughts or healthy ones. I can choose to take a rough situation and become bitter, frustrated, and angry, or learn and grow through it. I can choose to think that I am not enough, that I can’t measure up, that I have no purpose, or I can choose to take those thoughts and turn them into healthy thoughts.
I am learning what balance is. It have a way to go with this, but I’m getting there. I have learned that perfection in eating takes away from my ability to be engaged with my family, and it’s not worth it. I’ve learned that eating healthy is so much more than being able to make everything from scratch, but focusing more on just eating real food… and allowing those certain “not real” foods to be eaten sometimes because that is balance. I’m learning that keeping my house manageable but not focusing on cleaning (and keeping it spotless) is balance. I’m learning that exercising to feel good is balance. I’m learning that all natural products isn’t feasible for us right now, and I have become balanced in this area. I’m learning that natural living isn’t anything to be focused on… it’s also not my identity. It’s good, but not life.
I am okay with the fact that because of taking medication, I have slowly gained weight. My goal is to be healthy in every way, and I really cannot control a little bit of weight gain. A healthy mind is worth it. I will continue working on my healthy eating and exercise and let the rest go! This is balance as well. If I focused on getting those pounds off, it would take away from being balanced and enjoying my life.
God had a purpose and a plan for the past 4+ years of difficulty, and it was to grow me into the person that I am today and the person I am to become.
This truth brings me so much hope. It should bring you hope, too.