Ending 2014 and Coming Into a New Year

new year

I didn’t start this year thinking it would be rough.  In fact, I started this year with great hopes and expectations.  I wrote this post on my old blog: Change of Word for Year 2014.

Things quickly went down hill as I went back to work after the Christmas break.  I fell quickly.  The expectations that were put on me by myself and my employers had me sinking with anxiety and depression.  Finally, I couldn’t even get out of bed.  I had a major panic attack that landed me in the ER.  They suggested that I go into the hospital, and I’m so glad I did.

After I got out of the hospital, I went through so much in my recovery, including learning that I am Bipolar II, understanding what that means for me, learning to be grateful despite the hard times, and becoming stable in my illness as I found the right meds and worked through my recovery in Celebrate Recovery and individual counseling.  So much of my processing through this can be found here: March 2014.  March was a big month for me in my recovery.

I thought I was “better” this summer so I jumped right back into teaching.  With-in a month, I went downhill again.  Unfortunately I wasn’t using healthy coping strategies, and I ended up back in the hospital for three weeks.  I didn’t realize how bad I had gotten until I started having panic attacks again.

Since the day I went back into the hospital this November, I have come a long way again.  It has taken a lot of work, but I feel like with the way things are going, 2015 will be much better.

Why do I feel this way?

I have learned who it is that I am.  And I’m beginning to actually like that person.

I use healthy coping strategies now instead of unhealthy ones (a post on this is coming in the future).

I have become content with staying home and taking care of my mental health.

I am on the right medications.

I am trusting that God will work things out for His purposes and glory.  He has done so much in my life, and I know that He will continue.

My expectations of myself have changed.  I do the best I can.  I don’t expect perfection.

I have learned to re-frame my thoughts to be more positive and realistic.  I am learning to change my irrational thoughts to rational ones.  This still takes work on my part, but it’s getting better each day.

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