December 18, 2014 by Courtney
Today I woke up at 8:25… long after Robert got all the kids up and ready. Long after he fought with them to get dressed and eat their breakfast. Long after he took them to school as he does each and every morning.
I woke up in a sort of panic… saddened that I had slept through the hardest part of the day. Saddened that I didn’t take part in being my husband’s helper.
You see, he was being sacrificial… as he is so much of the time. He knows that when I don’t sleep well, I struggle through the day. So, he was allowing me to get the sleep that I needed… despite what he had to do without me.
The guilt quickly soaked in as I sat on the edge of my bed this morning. I felt that I had failed him as a wife, and I felt I had failed my kids. You see, this isn’t an uncommon thing. I am NOT a morning person and I tend to sleep as late as I can. Robert does so much every. single. morning. And that reality hit me like a ton of bricks. It hurt.
I immediately started texting and calling my beloved, apologizing for my lack of parenting. I felt so bad… I wanted to somehow make it up to him. I want to be the wife and mother that other moms are. I feel like I miss the mark so much of the time.
You see, I expect perfection out of myself… as a mom and as a wife. When I miss the mark (which I do often), I automatically begin to speak death over myself. I speak words that should not be spoken over anyone. I would never tell my friend that they are a failure when they mess up, but I often tell myself that.
While I was doing that to myself this morning, the word “grace” kept rolling over me like a wave. Grace. Grace. Grace. That word. It takes the weight off my shoulders. It takes the knot out of my stomach. And it brings peace.
Jesus came because of the sin that so entangles us, and He brought life to replace the death that we deserve. Because of His GRACE, we can live this world with freedom. Not chains. Chains are from the enemy, not from Jesus.
So instead of focusing on all that I did wrong, I can replace that with freedom and grace. Instead of focusing on where I screwed up, I can focus on how I can serve my family now. I am not perfect. I will miss the mark time and time again, but I desire to serve my family because I love them. It’s not too late. His mercies are new every morning.
I have come a long way. Six months ago, I would have sat in the ugliness of how much I messed up. Instead, I am moving forward and living in the Grace that He gives every single minute of every single day. His Grace is made perfect in my weakness.
Today, I am going to focus on how I can love and serve my family, and live by the Grace that He gives.