Remember in my last post when I talked about napping every day last week? I napped again today (despite saying I wouldn’t). I’m realizing today that my depression is creeping back in. I thought my new medication was a “miracle,” and I realized today that either I’m not on the right dose yet, or it’s not the “miracle” I thought it would be. I’m feeling very discouraged. I’m working really hard to overcome this and not give in. But it’s a fight. I’m feeling that dark cloud coming on fast, and I’m running away from it as hard as I can.
I called my doctor today and he increased my dosage, so I’m praying that will help. But I’m not super hopeful. I’ve been talking to people about bipolar and the more I get to know the illness, the more I realize this is something I will be battling my whole life. There are medications that truly help, but there will always be extreme ups and downs. It’s just the nature of the illness. I know some seasons will be better than others and I’m thankful that there will be good seasons. But in the meantime I’m feeling pretty hopeless about the long-term.
In the meantime, I put one foot in front of the other and practice self care. I will drag myself through this the best I can.