Running Away from the Dark Cloud

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January 11, 2016 by Courtney


Remember in my last post when I talked about napping every day last week?  I napped again today (despite saying I wouldn’t).  I’m realizing today that my depression is creeping back in.  I thought my new medication was a “miracle,” and I realized today that either I’m not on the right dose yet, or it’s not the “miracle” I thought it would be.  I’m feeling very discouraged.  I’m working really hard to overcome this and not give in.  But it’s a fight.  I’m feeling that dark cloud coming on fast, and I’m running away from it as hard as I can.  

I called my doctor today and he increased my dosage, so I’m praying that will help.  But I’m not super hopeful.  I’ve been talking to people about bipolar and the more I get to know the illness, the more I realize this is something I will be battling my whole life.  There are medications that truly help, but there will always be extreme ups and downs.  It’s just the nature of the illness.  I know some seasons will be better than others and I’m thankful that there will be good seasons.  But in the meantime I’m feeling pretty hopeless about the long-term.

In the meantime, I put one foot in front of the other and practice self care.  I will drag myself through this the best I can.

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