Passion

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I am sitting on the back porch at my parents’ listening to the birds sing.  Karis and Ethan are at camp, and Levi is doing a puzzle with his Granny.  I’m honestly kind of bored, so I thought I would write.

It’s been a while since I’ve written on here.  I feel like anything I have to say it just bland right now.  My passion is missing.  I’m not sure where it went, but I guess it’s because I’ve just been surviving lately.

Life is good.  My bipolar is under control.  My anxiety is much better than it once was.  But I’ve been struggling with sleep.  I was waking up at like 1:00am and not going back to sleep for hours.  So I finally told my doctor that something needed to change in that department.

He’s so good and listened to me.  He’s been avoiding sleep medicine because he didn’t want me on one more medication.  I desperately needed to sleep for my mental health, though, so he gave in.  Boy am I glad he did!  Last night I slept from 10:30-7:00.  I haven’t done that in a long, long time.  I can’t say that I didn’t wake up because I did.  But the fact that I just rolled over and went right back to sleep is huge!  I was waking up wide awake and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I feel like a new person!  No more afternoon naps.  I’m waking up early so I’m not missing out on the kids’ day (I was eventually going back to sleep after hours, only to wake up at like 9:00).  I feel like a new person!

Now.  My goal is to get back into the Word.  I can tell that my relationship with Christ is suffering because I’m not reading His Word.  I started back into it yesterday.  It’s so refreshing!

I desire to have that passion for Christ that I once had!  I feel that it’s desperately missing.  I have been in a valley and hopefully I’m on my way up!  I trust that He has been in control this entire time.  Nothing has been surprising for Him.  He loves me just the way I am, right here, right now.  I trust that He isn’t mad but just wants to spend time with me because He loves me.

So, as I have been getting up at a decent hour, my hope is that it will greatly benefit my relationship with Christ as well as my relationship with my kiddos.  It will definitely help when we start homeschooling again!

God is good, all the time.

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