Since I had my first job, I have always been a spender. I would get my (small) check and spend it mostly immediately.
Eventually I got my first credit card. I saw it as more money to spend. Very quickly I used all of my credit limit. I ended up with more cards over time, only to use up any credit limit that I had. I also ran out of money very quickly.
Fast forward to now. I spend. And spend. And spend. If I want something, I buy it… even if we can’t afford it. And most of the time we can’t afford it.
I will say this… I am always good at paying bills. Bills get paid before any spending is done. But once bills are paid, the rest goes quickly. We live paycheck to paycheck because of my spending habits. We have a lot of debt because of my spending habits. It’s all me. Robert is good with money. He doesn’t spend… if he does, he sits on it for a long time. I just buy things impulsively.
I worked through some of my Celebrate Recovery homework yesterday. One of the big things that I’m working through is my spending habits (along with my alcohol problem). I made some decisions while I was working through my homework.
I need to let go. I need to hand everything over to Robert. Not only do I need to hand over the bills and budget, I need to only grocery shop when he’s with me. I tend to buy things that aren’t necessary out of impulse. I make a grocery list and always sway from it to buy things that I want or that the kids want. I mostly shop at Walmart and find things that I want that aren’t groceries. I told Robert that I need a specific amount that I can spend and that’s it. I no longer have access to credit cards.
Through this, I’m hoping to learn to think more frugally. I want to change the way I look at money.
I feel a weight lifted because of this decision.
I lose sleep almost every night because I feel guilty for spending money and for not having money. I struggle every day because I have very little self control in this area. I hope every day that I can gain control over my spending habits.
At this point I will pray and pray that God will give me self control in this area. You would think I could just decide to be better and be better. Unfortunately that hasn’t worked, ever. I have done the Dave Ramsey class. I have read the books. I use cash for a little while and use it all up, then go back to the card. I have made budget after budget after budget. I’ve never stuck with it. It’s truly a self control problem.
My main goal with all of this is to develop a frugal mind. I will get there; I believe it. I just need help. Anyone else struggle in this area?