I talked with my counselor yesterday for a while about becoming a counselor. She thought it was an amazing idea and really felt that I should call today about it! She told me that she thinks I’ll make an excellent counselor.
Then, I came home and talked with Robert and a friend of mine that’s a counselor. They both discouraged me to move forward right now.
Robert is concerned that I won’t be able to handle it emotionally/mentally (and one of my best friends feels the same way). He’s also concerned that I won’t be able to focus on my sobriety if I start school.
I have decided that all of these friends/family are right. First of all, I need to put my sobriety first. I have 2 more months of going to AA 3-4 times a week. I am currently working the steps and once I’m finished, I hope to sponsor someone. That will also help keep me sober. Second of all, if I’m stressed, I may be tempted to turn to alcohol. I need to keep my stress level really low right now. Third of all, I might go through school and end up finding out that I can’t handle working mentally/emotionally… then school would have been for nothing. Fourth of all, I am in the process of trying to get disability, so I need to stick with that for now. I am currently praying that if God wants me to be on disability, He will make it work out. If not, I will be denied again. This is my last attempt at getting disability.
I talked with my case manager with the attorney’s office and said that I am now doing CBT and I could one day be able to work. She told me that I need to do what I want, but if I stop the process now and go back to work, if it doesn’t work out (which, with my history there’s a good chance), I will have to start over from the beginning. She said if I eventually work, that’s okay. But it’s probably a good idea to keep going with it for now. So, that’s what I’m doing.
I met with my sponsor today to do my 5th step (reading my step 4), and it was amazing. I got so much from it and I’ll save that for another post, but one thing that I got out of it that pertains to this post is to take things slow… be patient. God has big plans for me through AA (and maybe counseling one day), but I have a lot of work to do, still. I’ve only done steps 1-5. I still have 6-12 to do! And some of those steps are hard work!
All this to say… I need to do what I’m doing right now and take one day at a time.