December 14, 2016 by Courtney
Yesterday I wrote about turning my focus of weight loss into a focus on sobriety and self care. It was timely because Robert helped me realize I’m going through something called PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). It’s withdrawals later (could happen up to months or a year later). Extreme anxiety, cravings, feelings of depression, mood swings, irritability, feeling like I’m coming down sick (lethargy, achy, etc) = PAWS.
Last night for self care I took a long, hot bath, then sat next to my Christmas tree with decaf Texas pecan coffee. This morning Robert let me sleep later than usual (usually I get up at 5:45, today he let me sleep and I didn’t wake up till 8:30).
I’m headed to town for a women’s meeting today, and I don’t feel like going… but I NEED to go. So, I will.
I have been focusing on so much that isn’t near as important as my sobriety and that has to stop now! Natural living, eating perfectly, exercising for weight loss, making all homemade foods, keeping my house spotless all the time, wishing I was homeschooling (thinking that maybe I could homeschool one day… and Robert has made it clear that it probably won’t ever happen), spending too much on things that aren’t that important right now! Wow. I’m so thankful for my husband because he has opened my eyes to so much.
It will be hard (because I have obsessive/compulsive tendencies), but I am going to take a break from posting about natural living and homemade items right now. I might still focus on budgeting because that’s part of this journey (because driving to town, 2 1/2 hours round trip, 4-5 days a week takes a lot of money!). I will probably still do Grocery Geek (because that’s part of budgeting and it makes me happy). Meal planning. Self care. Jesus and Bible study. Recovery. Healing. Disability. Mental health. AA and twelve steps.
This journey has also made me realize that applying for and fighting for disability is a good idea. Between my bipolar 2, severe anxiety, and now alcohol use disorder, I’m just not going to be able to work. All reasons why I can’t homeschool as well. I just have to focus on self care all day, every day. It’s frustrating. I want to be “normal” and be able to work or homeschool. But I can’t. It just is what it is at this point.
Headed back out! Keep me in your prayers!