December 15, 2016 by Courtney
First of all, I just can’t get enough of our family pictures. I have lots of favorites, but the one that keeps sticking out to me is the one of Robert and I.
This shows the love that we have for one another. He has been an amazing support through all of my difficult moments, including mental illness hospitalizations and addiction treatment. He has also been so supportive of me outside of those treatments. He helps me to see things that I don’t see on my own. I’ve learned to accept what he has to say because he has my best interest at heart. He loves me unconditionally. I’m so grateful for him.
PAWS has me down a bit, still. I’m very tired, sort of achy, feeling down, irritable, and still somewhat anxious. It is getting better. They say it only lasts a few days, so I’m hopeful.
I went to our women’s AA yesterday and was so encouraged. On Wednesdays we read out of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book.
Yesterday was Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
I realized that I haven’t been doing this. I went through step 3 pretty quickly. I need to go back and memorize this prayer:
“God, I offer myself to Thee-
To build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
My next step with my sponsor is to do step 6 (which is a chart, breaking down my character defects), and to memorize the step 7 prayer:
I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character
which stands in the way of my usefulness to you
and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.
At rehab we had something called Seekers every morning. It was a way to practice step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Every morning, we would have 10 minutes and prayer and meditation, we would read the step 3 and step 7 prayers, and we would sing Amazing Grace. I plan to add back in the 10 minutes of prayer and meditation and step 3 & 7 prayers again. It is a great way to start the day! I will also continue my She Reads Truth Bible study! Starting in January, a friend of mine here at camp and I will be doing a 1 Peter Bible study! Looking forward to it!
Today for self care I will: 1) Eat a healthy breakfast, 2) Eat a healthy lunch, 3) Enjoy my coffee and Bible study (and do my morning prayer), 4) Meet with some friends here for encouragement, 5) Clean up the house (just vacuum, make my bed, and do the dishes… nothing major), 6) Shower, put on makeup, and dry my hair, 7) Listen to classical Christmas music, 8) Do a new meditation 9) Take my supplements and medications, 10) Share my gratefuls with my sponsor.
The meditation: Close your eyes and begin to focus on your breath. Take a few moments here then allow your focus to broaden to your body and the sensations that it’s feeling. Now expand your focus to anything touching your body, noticing those sensations. Lastly, expand your awareness to everything you can hear and sense. Now reverse this process and come back, one step at a time to your breath.
Even on the hard days, life is good. I’m so thankful for another day sober (64 today!).