Working Through My Weight Obsession… One Habit at a Time

In my Healthy Habits, Happy Moms group there has been a lot of talk about weight obsession lately.

This came from one of the founders yesterday:

“Why do you want to lose weight?

Common answers usually include reasons like….

To feel more confident, happy, strong, desirable, worthy. So I can finally love my body. So I won’t hate getting dressed in the morning. So I don’t have to think about food all the damn time. So I can wear a swimsuit without hesitation. So I can have sex with the lights on, or sex at all. So I can wear a tank top . So I can wear shorts. So I can wear a two piece. So shopping can be fun. So I can walk into a room and not feel self conscious. So I don’t hate looking at myself in pictures. So I don’t have to wear shape wear. 

Feel confident, sexy, and wearing clothes you want to? HELL YES. That sounds great. But here’s the kicker…..

THOSE ***FEELINGS*** HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR WEIGHT.

Many of us are pursuing weight loss hoping in the end it changes how we feel. What if instead we pursued the feelings? As Danielle Laporte says, “Feelings should be at the heart of the matter.” And when you prioritize your feelings you very well might find you spend your time….differently.

I’m all for empowered decisions about your body. Wanting weight loss isn’t “bad” if that’s what you’re after. As a #grownasswoman we believe in your body, your business. But if you’re after any of those things I listed above I would strongly encourage you to stop using the scale to validate progress to those goals as those feelings can not reached on the scale.  

I’m starting to realize that my desire to lose weight is because of the reasons that she listed.  I also mostly fear that I will continue to gain weight (because it just keeps going up).

I asked Robert how he would feel if I gained more weight.  He said he would feel the same way he does now.  He loves my body.  Period.  Whether it’s bigger or smaller, it’s mine.

I want to feel the same way.  I’m not there, yet.  But, I’m on my way.  It’s a decision that I have to make every day.  Shoot, every hour, every minute.  I know it doesn’t seem like something that is a big deal, but it is to me.  I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life (even when I was skinny!).

It’s always been something that has been in the forefront of my mind.  Always.

I remember lifting cans like weights when I was little because I thought I was fat.  I was like 4 or 5.  Then, in junior high and high school I was overweight and knew that I was bigger than all my friends and the people around me.  I kept trying to figure out how to lose weight and couldn’t seem to.  I went on a diet in college and lost a lot and was thin for the first time since I was a kid.  I thought people liked me more because of it.  From then on I would gain, lose, gain, lose.  Now I can’t seem to lose, and I’m only gaining.

I made the decision yesterday to do what the group/website says: take on one habit at a time (for health and self care).

So far I have the habit of eating healthy lunches (packing them to take to town).

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I eat mostly healthy breakfasts and dinners, too.

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If I sway from any of this, I won’t feel guilty.  It’s all about balance.

The next habit is going to be drinking more water.  I bought this water bottle at REI yesterday.  I figure it will help :-).

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I’ve also decided that I won’t try to stop drinking soda because it’s not something I can tackle right now.  Many of the ladies in my group also drinking diet soda and say they do both.  One day I will tackle this addiction, but for now I can’t.

My next habit will be to do some sort of exercise 3 days a week (I keep saying I’m going to do this, but I haven’t been consistent yet).  I need to get the water habit down first.

One habit at a time.  I can do this.

I had this amazing red velvet cheesecake and Italian nachos yesterday at Carino’s, and I don’t feel guilty.  It’s all about balance.

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