December 29, 2016 by Courtney
I am working on my AA Step 6 right now and my sponsor has me making a chart:
- Character defect
- How it has helped me
- How it has hurt me
- What life would look like without
- Counter behaviors
One of the character defects that I am working through is perfectionism. It’s all very rooted in pride. I make things appear perfect where I know people will see.
I share pictures of my clean house (but not the piles of stuff that I have in places). I keep the living areas clean so if people come over, they will think I have a spotless house.
I share my household notebook (and not the unused pages).
I share the whole foods that I eat (but not the processed food that I eat). I feel the need to justify anything that isn’t “perfect.” For example, I LOVE Coke Zero, and I always justify it saying that I drink it because I can’t quit right now since I am trying to stay sober and focus on that. Instead of just saying I like it, so I drink it.
Here are some things that I do that aren’t perfect:
- I sometimes yell at my kids
- I don’t mop often (it’s hard to tell the difference either way)
- There are piles and piles in my bedroom and the kids’ bedrooms (well, mostly Karis’)… I need to purge.
- I don’t wash sheets very often (I plan to do it weekly, yet I rarely do it)
- I like pop tarts, chips, sugar in my coffee, Little Debbie snacks, cookie dough, pizza, doughnuts
- Even though I plan to do certain things every day (read my Bible, prayer journal, meditate, etc), I don’t always get around to it (I do about half the time).
- I try to control situations and people that are out of my control
- I can be very self-centered
Here are some pictures of what I would normally share (the clean parts of my house):
Here are some pictures of things that I never share (the messy parts of my house):
All of this proves that I really don’t have a perfectionism problem as much as I have a pride problem. I only share the things that appear perfect…
This post is for those of you out there that think I have it “all together.” I don’t.