Just Tuesday night I was telling Robert that I wanted to homeschool Karis again next year. He was open to praying about it and working through the details of possibly doing this. He was less concerned about me homeschooling her than he is about me homeschooling all three kids. I miss being with her, homeschooling just her, having lots of “girl time,” etc. I also know that she really enjoyed being the only one homeschooled.
I began talking with a few friends about it and quickly realized that it wasn’t going to be a possibility (at least at this point I think that’s the case).
I really need to continue to go to AA 2-3 times a week, see my counselor, be a sponsor to other women, etc. I cannot do that if I am homeschooling. While I was really sad to come to this realization, I knew it was for the best.
Then today I got a very difficult phone call.
Karis’ teacher called me saying that Karis cried and cried this morning. Uncontrollably.
She tells her teacher all the time that she’s tired. Her teacher said that she has a lot of anxiety every day. She doesn’t open up to the other kids. She’s struggling with-in herself to feel confident. She struggles like I do.
Her teacher said that she said that I’m too busy for her.
She has been waking up in the middle of the night, not able to go back to sleep, because of anxiety.
This is so new. I mean, last year she really struggled because of a bully teacher (he would put her in the corner, tell her that she was on a second grade level, tell me I needed to spank her for daydreaming, etc). But once I pulled her out, she was doing fantastic! I’m so worried about her.
Her teacher is sending home paperwork for a counselor to see her for free at school. I guess that’s a start.
I’m going to take her out this weekend on a mommy/daughter date. She needs my attention.
I think I will try to make “girl time” a regular thing. She has told me that I give the boys more attention, but I didn’t think it was this bad.
I guess if this doesn’t help, we will go back to addressing the possibility of homeschooling again.
I do think, though, that this is a situation in which I need to teach her to find strength and courage with Jesus, be confident in who she is in Him, love herself, pray when she’s feeling afraid and overwhelmed, and to work through the difficulty. It’s so hard :-(. I’m just praying for the best way to handle this situation as I truly want what’s best for her.
Please pray with me!