January 8, 2017 by Courtney
My counselor has started Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) with me. It’s a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Friday we worked on Radical Acceptance. There are so many things in my life that I’m having a hard time accepting.
The biggest things I’m having to learn to accept:
The fact that I’m truly disabled. I don’t want to let go of the chance to work, but I have tried and tried and tried. Every single time I end up having panic attacks, severe anxiety, and depression. I even tried an at home, part time, online position and it was terrible. I didn’t last longer than 3 weeks. My counselor had me say the words “I am disabled” on Friday and it was really hard to say. I don’t want to be disabled. I want to be able to work. But I just can’t.
The fact that I have mental illnesses including bipolar 2, severe anxiety (general, panic, social, and obsessive/compulsive), and alcoholism. I have been saying “I hate my brain.” This is why. So much difficulty with-in my brain. It has disrupted my family so many times and probably will continue.
My body. The way it is today and the way it will be in the future. I am having a hard time letting go of the dieting mindset and turning to intuitive eating. Yet I believe in it so I will keep trying.
I’m reading the Intuitive Eating book again. I’ve forgotten a lot of what I learned, and I’ve never finished the book. I’m in several “intuitive eating” groups so it’s helpful, but not as helpful as finishing the book :-).
Ultimately this book doesn’t say you’ll lose weight. And that’s what I need to come to terms with. This book says that your weight may stay the way it is, it may increase, OR you may lose weight. It’s about learning to accept your body the way it naturally falls. That’s where I struggle. But. The research shows that diets do not work. So I need to come to acceptance of my body. Health at every size is becoming a new understanding (I just ordered this book!).
So… radical acceptance of who I am and what I will deal with in my life. I can’t change it, so why not accept it so that I can move forward?