Thursday was really difficult. I was extremely depressed. I couldn’t function. I stayed in my pajamas all day. I didn’t do a thing. I couldn’t even pick up the kids.
That night I realized I didn’t take my Latuda (one of my bipolar meds) the night before. I had it sitting on my kitchen table so that I would remember to take it with dinner (you’re supposed to take it with food, and I hadn’t been doing that), and I didn’t take it!
I took it Thursday night!
I woke up yesterday with a whole new outlook on life. Who knew that missing my med one night would affect me that badly. It’s crazy! I’ve never missed it so I didn’t know. Who knows if that’s truly what it was, but I’m thankful to not feel that way today.
Yesterday I decided to go to town. Getting up and moving really helped me. I went to counseling (it went well), and I bought groceries. I came home and wrote a Grocery Geek post and my two week meal plan. All things that make me happy :-).
I updated my budget log, and it made me happy because I am finally getting good at sticking with a strict budget. I went over last check, but I realized what I did wrong and will do better this time. It’s a learning experience, and I’m getting it figured out. I went to the store yesterday with the budget to spend $100, and I spent $102. I am getting better and better at this!
Then the fam and I ate pizza and watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. I bought it on Amazon and will buy one a week to get through each one (Friday night is our movie night!).
I decided yesterday that I’m not going to go to town on Fridays anymore. I won’t be seeing my current counselor, most likely, because I’m starting with a new one soon for EMDR treatment. I will be seeing her on Wednesdays. I don’t like any AA’s other than the women’s one (I’ve tried a lot and the others are triggering), so I will just go to town for AA on Monday and Wednesday. I will do AA online a few days a week. That means I will only be going to town three days a week (Monday and Wednesday for AA and Sunday for church). This is exciting. I will do my grocery shopping on Sunday or Monday from now on. Probably Monday so that the kids won’t be with me :-).
Robert is working this weekend (he works every third weekend) so the kids and I are going to town to see Sing and go to Chili’s for dinner. I actually have money to do this because I budgeted for it!
Tomorrow will be my prep day for the week! I will bake bread, make Green Smoothie Kodiak Cakes to freeze, cut vegetables, make breakfast taco filling, clean up the house (with the help of the kids), and work on laundry (Robert is off Monday, and he can finish laundry while I’m at AA!). Tomorrow evening I will write my “Weekend Prep” post. We will have fish tacos and homemade coleslaw for dinner.
The kids don’t have school Monday. Karis and Ethan will be doing some makeup work and Levi will do his normal weekend spelling (yes, he has homework on the weekend, in first grade…).
On another note… dealing with all of this these past few days has taken my mind off of food. I have just been “eating normal” these past few days. Lots of veggies, but also pizza. I like this. I think I can keep going forward with this plan. I already did it, but I was focusing so much on it that I didn’t realize I already had balance and ate “normal.” Body positivity involves loving my body the way it is and eating normal. Easy peasy.
One another thing that I’ve been dealing with is medication costs (something else that threw me for a loop on Thursday). I called HEB pharmacy (where I was trying to set up my prescriptions from Walmart since I shop there more), and one of my prescriptions was $160 (with insurance)! I ended up transferring it to Walmart and it was free (with insurance)! I couldn’t understand. I called the insurance yesterday and she said she couldn’t figure out why it was free at Walmart because when she ran it, it was $160 at either place! So, I called Walmart and asked for their cash price and it was only $38! I called HEB and asked for their cash price and it was over $200! What?! Well, I decided at that point that it makes so much more sense to stick with Walmart even though I don’t really shop there anymore.
One other prescription that I’ve been stressed about is my Latuda. With insurance, it is $1000 (because we have to meet our deductible before we have copays). I don’t pay anything right now because I am enrolled in a patient assistance program. I have been stressed because it runs out after a year, and I know I’m coming up on a year. I got enrolled because of my previous doctor’s office doing the work for me. I talked to my counselor about it yesterday and she told me I can do it myself! So today I went online and found the enrollment form and the fax number to send it to! Whew! That’s huge!!! So, I’m going to work on that once we receive our W2 and do taxes.
So what I’m remembering is that life is hard but God is good and He provides. Always.
I read She Reads Truth: The Bread of Life yesterday and it was fitting.
“The true miracle of the Bread of Life is that Jesus is all we need. All that other stuff we are hoping will fill our bellies up? It is nothing compared to Christ Himself.”