February 13, 2017 by Courtney
I will run when I cannot walk
I will sing when there is no song
I will pray when there is no prayer
I will listen when I cannot hear
Sitting in the waiting room of silence
Waiting for that still soft voice I know
Offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
Trusting that this closet’s where You are
Lord I know if I change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time’s from You
So I sit in the waiting room of silence
‘Cause it’s all about You
I will fight when I cannot feel
I will trust when You don’t seem real
I will tell when I cannot speak
I will step when I cannot see
I thought we had made our final decision about school, but we are now in a season of waiting for an actual final decision (long story). I immediately started having anxiety (because I always want to make a decision NOW). I thought I was going to have a panic attack. Robert had to talk me down, remind me that God has a plan, and that we don’t have to make a decision right now.
I’m having to learn to ignore all outside advice and opinions and focus on what will be best for our family.
In the meantime, I am going to continue to focus on healing myself. I start EMDR next Monday. I hear it’s super intense so I’m preparing for that. I still have a long way to go in my healing. I’m really just starting the more difficult parts of this journey.
We’re also trying to be as involved in the school where the kids are for now. They seem to be thriving! Ethan went from first grade level to second-third grade level in reading. Levi is on second-third grade level as well. All three kids are making A’s and B’s (Levi only has 1 B, in math). Karis is on an eighth grade level in reading. Ethan is about to start basketball and all of the kids will be doing choir.
On the other hand, I want to homeschool, but that may not be what’s best for them.
This all may be out of my hands for the future. God is Sovereign!
Today I did my Bible study from She Reads Truth and it was totally relevant.
“What a surprise it must have been to be told simply to wait—and not for a certain amount of time, but indefinitely.”
“We aren’t told if this frustrated Ruth, but it frustrates me for her.”
“But Naomi—the same woman who once named herself “Bitter”—offered enough faith for the both of them. She encouraged Ruth, saying, “Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out” (Ruth 3:18).
“This doesn’t mean that things will turn out exactly the way we think they should. But it does mean that God’s hand is always at work in our story, even when we can’t see it. Even when we’re waiting.”
“In your waiting place, cling to the hope that God will not leave our stories unfinished or unredeemed. They may not look how we expected but, as with Ruth and Naomi, our story is His story. We can wait with hope, and we can trust and obey with confidence. Thanks be to God.”