Importance of Self Care and Fighting For Myself

This week has been hectic to say the least, and today I have spent the day with lots of self care.

I didn’t get up till 7:30.  I ate breakfast (that Robert made!), made my coffee, started my Bible study, and couldn’t stay awake.  I ended up taking a 2 hour nap from 8:30 till 10:30.  Then I woke up feeling terrible and anxious.  I knew why I felt that way, so I took care of it.  I needed a shower and to clean up the house.  After doing both of those, it was time to drink my coffee :-).

I blogged about my groceries while drinking coffee, then it was time for lunch (yummy leftovers of brown rice, sausage, yellow squash, zucchini, mushrooms, and orange bell pepper).

As I reflect on the week, I realize how important it is for our family to not be involved in so many activities.

Sunday night I had a lot of anxiety knowing how crazy the week ahead was going to be.  Mondays are my town days.  Ethan desperately wanted to do basketball, which at the time I knew it would be every Tuesday/Thursday at 5:45.  Wednesday is choir.

With basketball being so late in the day, that meant we would just be hanging out for a couple of hours in the library.

I got through my day on Monday (more about this to come).  Tuesday was crazy because I had to prep for a baby shower, then go to Rocksprings to sit in the library from 3:30 till 5:45.  Ethan was a ball of mess.  Stressed, anxious, and nervous.  He couldn’t focus.  He was crying/throwing a fit about everything.  Then the same thing happened after practice.  After practice I had to rush home for a baby shower.  It was fun, though!  I’m glad I went.

Wednesday morning I found out that some practices will be on Mondays.  I can’t do Mondays because of my therapy and being in town.  This kind of sealed the deal on basketball.  It won’t be happening anymore.

When I told Ethan he told me that he was relieved.  The fact that they are never home to play with their friends was weighing on him.  He was feeling overwhelmed (like I get!).  He is thrilled to come home today to play.

I think we are just meant to be a family that doesn’t do a lot of extra curricular activities for many reasons.  One of the biggest is that we live so far from town!  If the kids could come home, do their homework, and play for a little while before practices, it would be different.  We live about 40 minutes from town!

Another thing is that I absolutely have to take care of myself.  Without lots of self care I can’t function.  I hate this some days… I don’t want to have to put myself first.  But in doing so, I can be a much better mom and wife.  It’s a benefit to my family and friends.

Rushing back and forth every day is NOT self care.  It’s getting back to a crazy life in which I cannot function.  I am trying to get disability because I can’t do anything but self care.  I can’t homeschool (at least until they are older); I can’t work.

Then this afternoon happened… I found out that my patient assistance was denied for my most expensive medication… $1000 a month.  I have been on the phone all afternoon and into the evening trying to figure out what I can do about that.  There’s not much that can be done, so I’ll probably have to change meds.  There’s only one medication that is even slightly similar and I didn’t have good luck with it before… but… I was drinking a lot and I have since been put on another bipolar med.

Fighting for myself is hard work.  And Robert reminds me that that is my full time job right now (and probably will continue to be).  I’m worn out at the end of every day and I don’t even do that much (compared to the way things used to be).

I planned to write about my appointment with my counselor and with my dietitian, but I didn’t even get to that today.  I’ll try to write about that tomorrow!

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