October 7, 2017 by Courtney
Gosh. I don’t really even know where to start. I haven’t written in a long time and it has been mostly because I have felt pretty horrible.
I was sleeping all the time, no energy, eating very little, and my cough continued. I went to the doctor again about a week and a half ago and she told me that she thinks I have bronchitis (though my breath sounds sounded fine, I had some symptoms of it). She decided to try a steroid and she gave me another 10 days worth of Tessalon Pearles. Over the next few days I started feeling better, but still not 100%. I went back in on Monday because I was having a hard time breathing (though my cough was somewhat better). Again. Normal breath sounds, oxygen level was normal, etc. She told me that she thinks it’s anxiety but gave me orders to get a chest x-ray and EKG just to rule things out (though told me a few times that she didn’t think we would find anything). I haven’t gone yet because it’s very expensive. Over the next several days things started getting slowly better. My cough was slightly better and I started having more energy and desire to do things. Last night was another horrible night with my cough. I just resigned myself to decide to get the x-ray next week, still not sure that it will be worth the money (we just don’t have the money to throw away). Then this morning my friend sent me an article that made so much sense. It was about a woman that had an unexplained cough for 10 years. She ended up finding out that she had silent reflux. And I remembered that there were two ladies in a FB group that told me the same thing. So I did a little research. Sure enough. I have a lot of the symptoms. Robert just happened to be in town so I called him to see if he could pick up a reflux med. The prescription strength ones are now over the counter. I’m hopeful! We’ll see what happens. Today I’m really tired because I coughed all night. I’m so ready to feel well. It has been so long.
Now on to other, bigger things going on in my life…
I have been struggling with homeschooling Karis. Between my mental illness and being physically ill for a long time, I felt that she needed something that I couldn’t offer her. I have been asking her for a few months to consider going back to school and she has been completely set against it. Just the idea brought her anxiety and she seemed stressed to discuss it. Fast forward to this past Wednesday.
We went to Rocksprings (the town where the boys are in school) for a homecoming parade. It was so fun! The whole town shut down to be part of this parade. Each class had their own themed float. They threw candy out to the people watching. Karis gathered a lot! The boys enjoyed throwing it. The parade ended with a huge bonfire at the Fairgrounds.
On the way home, Robert and I were talking about how much fun being a part of a small community like that is. We were talking about how we wished that Karis would be okay with going to school there so we can just fully invest in the community. It’s hard being split like we have been.
That night I sat down and talked to Karis about the possibility of talking with two of her teachers from last year (one that she just loved, and the other that is now the principal). I said that we can discuss her fears, anxieties, and reasons why she left and figure out ways to work through all of that to make things more successful if she were to come back. She was open and willing to discuss things. I emailed the teacher and principal and they were so happy to hear from me. They agreed that it would be so good for Karis to be back at school.
We met yesterday morning. Karis was acting a little annoying… I had to pull her into the rooms. But she is just literally so anxious/nervous and has trouble controlling herself. She was making her weird noises and talking like a little kid (also what she does when she’s nervous). But over time she opened up and started acting a little more “normal.” We talked about her crying last year, her struggle with math, her struggle with friendships, and counseling. We decided at the end of the meeting that it would be good for Karis to do a placement test in math to see if she needs to go back to 5th grade or stick with 6th grade.
She did the placement test (which is just a released STAAR test) right away. We were told that we would hear back by the end of the day with the score and their decision about what grade she would be in.
She and I went to Kerrville and had a great day in town. We ate lunch at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants and sat on the porch in 75 degree weather.
We went to Starbucks and I had a PSL and she had a mummy cake pop.
We went to a craft store to get a few fall crafts.
We had fun looking at Halloween decorations AND Christmas decorations (at Walmart).
We got groceries. Then we came home. On the way home I told her that we wouldn’t be trying to homeschool anymore. I have tried to homeschool her like 4 times (and the boys 3 times). I think it has contributed to some of her gaps. Our school may be far away, but it has fantastic teachers and administration. I told her that I know she prefers to be homeschooled, but it’ll be so much better for her to be in school. I feel at this point that I will be doing her a disservice to try to homeschool her. She needs to be with kids her age and she needs to be challenged.
When I got home I had a message and an email about Karis’ score. She actually did really well! The principal felt good about deciding to put her into 6th grade. When I told Karis this she was jumping up and down screaming. She was relieved that she wouldn’t have to repeat fifth grade. And the cool thing is, she will have the same teachers (well, except one new one).
So, soon I will be alone again during the week. My plan is to take a week or two to rest. Then I will get busy! I need to spend some time organizing things around my house that have gotten disorganized the past 6 months. I plan to go to town for AA Mondays and Wednesdays. I will go to Rocksprings Wednesday afternoons because Ethan and Karis want to do choir again. I will try to volunteer at the school sometimes. I plan to invite friends over here for coffee, lunch, tea, etc. I will hike with my friend some afternoons. Lots of self care and focusing on my sobriety. I will probably try to find a hobby or two (besides just blogging).
I hope things continue to improve. All I can do is take one day at a time. I feel better some days than others. My sleep is better some days than others. Some days I have energy, other days I can’t do much.
I’m in the process of selling the rest of my homeschooling curriculum. I am keeping things like encyclopedias and art books because those can be used even if we aren’t homeschooling. But the actual curriculum has to go!
Alright, off to make dinner then possibly carve a pumpkin with the fam!
Life is hard, but God is good!