February 20, 2018 by Courtney
As I sit here and listen to Bethel radio on Pandora, drink coffee, and reflect (while hanging out with my hubby), I’m so incredibly grateful for the life that we have. It has been a really hard journey for me, but I’ve grown so much. I know I have a lot of “hard” ahead (considering I have bipolar 2 and severe anxiety, along with life stuff), but at this point I’m feeling content with where I am.
I have discovered that I cannot work (maybe a few hours a week in the camp store or coffee shop here, but that’s about it), I cannot homeschool (I have tried like 4 times at least), and I need to be able to focus on keeping a clean house and keeping up with laundry. All of these things have affected my mental health.
I have become content with my body the way it is. I have gotten pretty good at intuitive eating; I don’t think about food and body every second of every day like I used to. I have learned positive self talk when I start thinking about my body in a negative way.
I am starting to love being with people here. I’m growing friendships and it has been such a blessing. We are having people in our home for dinner and games a lot (or coffee), we’re getting out more and going to meals in the dining hall when we can, and we’re just living life well these days. I feel the desire to be with people which is a huge improvement.
I don’t really even think about drinking anymore. But of course they always say, “One day at a time,” which I apply to my whole life.
We have started going to church again. It is such a blessing. This coming Sunday I’m meeting with the pastor to discuss some questions that I have about the Presbyterian denomination. I’m new to it!
Speaking of, my relationship with Christ has grown so much this past month. I’m finally not bitter and angry with Him, and I desire to praise Him and spend time in His word. I’m still reading the She Reads Truth Lent study. I’m a little behind but I’m good with that.
Getting out and hiking has been amazing as well. We went on a long family hike on Saturday; the fresh air and time spent with my family was just what I needed. I can’t wait to get back out, but it’s supposed to rain all week! Boo!
I’m so thankful to be back to baking and cooking from scratch. It’s such a good feeling because it’s something that I enjoy a lot, and I finally feel well enough to do it! Last night we had homemade tomato basil soup (in the instant pot) and grilled cheese on homemade bread (we had friends over). The bread turned out better than it has in years!
I also have breakfast cookies for the week and we made some oatmeal coconut cookies for dessert last night! Sooooo yummy!
I was telling Robert the other day that I wonder if I’m just doing well because it’s almost spring and I love spring! But he reminded me that when I went into inpatient (then outpatient, then counseling 3 times a week), it was the first week of February (then the outpatient care was through April at least). So I have been known to be severely depressed this time of year. I’m hoping that my peace, joy, and hope are a picture of the present and the future. I will always just take one day at a time, but I can only hope, right? I have been looking through old posts and I notice a trend of ups and downs (I mean, I am bipolar 2, right?).
Oh… and on another note, I will be upgrading my blog soon! This means a new theme (possibly?) and the ability to have plug-ins! I will be able to create recipe cards and just make it easier for my readers to navigate! Keep coming back! I plan to work on it a lot this weekend!
I could probably go on and on, but I’ll stop for now :-).
What are you grateful for?