July 20, 2018 by Courtney
It’s not Grati-Tuesday or Thankful Thursday, but I just have to share some gratitude that I am gushing with.
God is so so good. I have a hard time seeing it sometimes because of struggle and pain, but I am seeing how God has molded and changed me and continues to do so.
I’m also so grateful for the amazing friends that I have to support me on this journey. I realized yesterday just how much support that I have.
I did a live video on Facebook yesterday sharing some very important things and I had a ton of views and comments and likes. So many positive and encouraging comments. Lots of prayer. Reminders that God is in control and His will will be done no matter what. Messages from people telling me that they have been following my story and it’s amazing to see how God has been working in my life. I didn’t think about the fact that the change in my life is a testimony to God’s power, strength, and love.
I have grown so much over the past 8 1/2 years since Joey died. His death changed my brain and my life and caused a lot of struggle and pain. I didn’t realize until recently that the trauma is probably what caused my mental health issues to be so extreme and severe. Trauma does that… it changes the brain.
I’ve talked so much about my life on here and about all that I have dealt with including having to quit many jobs because of my mental illness. I have gone through grief of the desire to be a teacher and having to let that go. I assumed that I would never be a teacher again and got rid of ALL of my teaching stuff (ugh).
Long story short, an opportunity has come up that I didn’t ever think would be there: I have applied for and have an interview for a kindergarten position. Before I sent in my application, resume, letter of interest, and letter of recommendation, Robert asked me to write a letter to my future self. In this letter I wrote about my opportunity, things to remember when I’m struggling (cause it will happen), and my “whys.” It was a great way to process and reminded me about how much I desire to be back in the classroom (but with the littles… NOT in a testing grade). But also, I was reminded about my amazing life that I have now and I’m just good with whatever happens. Nervous about the uncertainty, but also at peace with God’s plan. I’m so blessed with my amazing life.
So as I ended last night with my gratefuls (I do this every night now), I had so much to be grateful for.
Some of these things are:
- My husband being so supportive of this opportunity. He was excited about it from the beginning but wanted me to feel confident that this was something I should pursue.
- My kids, despite them being difficult at times (especially over the summer…). I love my time at the end of the day with them, cuddling. They are such loving kids.
- Friends that are praying for me and encouraging me. I have been blown away.
- My makeup business that I love and will continue to an extent even if I teach. It doesn’t feel like a job to me. I don’t make a ton of money right now but it buys me my makeup and a little more :-).
- Our amazing, beautiful home. It took me a while to not covet what others have, but I truly wouldn’t trade our home at this point. It’s small but I love it. And we get compliments on it all the time.
- Camp. It’s in the place that I have changed and grown so much. I’m thankful for our community. I’m thankful that God is glorified daily in the place where we live.
- Our local town. It’s small like where I grew up. Everyone knows everyone and most people are pretty great. The kids are even excited to go back to school this year, which is big. Karis is going into 7th, Ethan 4th, and Levi 3rd. I can’t believe my kids are that big. Our school is filled with amazing teachers and staff. Our local library is great. The director is fantastic and she does so much for our community.
- Doing things that are fun for me, which translates to me being a happier wife and mom.
- Finding a new form of movement that I love (yoga). I got a new yoga mat and Karis and I do it together and both enjoy it!
- The little things like a new purse/bag, my computer, my phone, candles that smell good, the sunrise and sunset, books, music, coffee, my sunglasses, a new sweatshirt that I really like, etc.
- Going on vacation as a family to Colorado! We’ll be camping there starting on my birthday (Monday!). I cannot wait (those pics will come when we get back).
I’m so thankful that no matter what happens, I love life. Here and now and if things change to something different than I thought would happen.
God is in control!