August 5, 2018 by Courtney
This past week I found myself feeling bad for being me. For feeling deeply. For being passionate. For taking up space. For seeking an apology for something. For being excited for things that others may find silly. For sharing about my business. For wanting people to read my blog (I spend a lot of time on it). And all the things.
The past few days I have decided that I need to stop wanting to apologize for being ME. God made me the way He did on purpose, for a purpose, and I want to soak that in.
I have learned to love me over the years through Balance 365 and now through Younique. Also just through growing closer to my Savior, worshipping, Bible study. And other things. It’s so easy to lose sight of all that I’ve learned, though! Like when I allow peoples’ opinions of things to settle in or something happens that makes me question myself. Or when things don’t go as I planned or hoped. Or when I see pictures of myself that I didn’t take. All of those things make me question who I am.
Yesterday I watched a Younique training about our VIP groups and how important it is to make them US and not all about selling. Bring in elements of our personality, have a name that represents who we are, change the description, and don’t just post about selling, selling, selling. I had already started sharing daily themed posts (like “Thankful Thursday,” etc), but I had/have so much work to do!
Through this process, I had to dig deep. What is something about me that others appreciate? That I am on a journey to love myself and to help others do the same. That I focus on self care each day because without that, we can’t be our best selves. That I share my silly and quirky self and things that make me happy. I truly am unapologetically myself most of the times. I just have days that it’s harder than others. And that’s okay.
What are some things that are “me” that I am willing to live out unapologetically?
I’m passionate. I jump hard into things. I care deeply and love well. I want people to like me, but I also know that some people won’t and that’s okay. I am insecure in some areas. I have a hard time letting things go sometimes. If I plan it one way, it needs to happen that way or I struggle. I need routine. I am type A/Enneagram 1 to a T. If my house is a mess or things are disorganized I have a hard time functioning. I have high anxiety. I have anger from my anxiety at times. I try not to hold on to that anger but sometimes I do. I’m working on it. I’m so much better now than when my kids were smaller. I have learned to be brave and courageous and fight for things that matter to me. I cuddle with my kids every night. I struggle with consistency (mainly because I’m a perfectionist and give up quickly if it’s not perfect). I love to share my life with others to help them in their struggles and journeys. I’m not the best wife. I’m pretty selfish. Self care is necessary in my life for me to not feel my mental illness every day. I try to help others focus on self care as well. I love pouring into other women/girls and cooking/baking for them and serving them coffee. Some days I see myself and think lots of negative things. Sometimes I see myself and even though I see that I’m fat, I’m okay with that. Staying sober and mentally well takes so much energy every day. Some days I feel it, others I don’t. Today is a day in which I’m feeling it.
I’m currently in town alone because I was just anxious and angry this afternoon. Robert told me to take some time to myself, so that’s what I did. I haven’t had to do this in a long time (I used to do it alllllll the time), but I needed it today. I’m ready for the kids to be back in school so we have routine and I am alone more (introvert here). I’m also looking forward to having my Mondays with Robert and for us to have lunches alone together again. It’ll be so good for us.
Some other things…
I love writing/blogging. I’m learning to love to read, but I’m picky about the book. I am not a fan of swimming, but I like hiking. I like camping in the right weather. I love the mountains. I wear mostly Toms and Chacos (and tennis shoes when I’m hiking). I love jeans and a t-shirt. I also LOVE long sleeve t-shirts. I hardly wear anything that’s not simple. My hair is almost always in a messy bun. Sometimes I dry and straighten it, but that’s maybe once a week.
I LOVE LOVE fall and all things pumpkins. It’s the beginning of August and I’ve started decorating and lighting pumpkin candles. I’ve begun baking the pumpkin things. The other day I made pumpkin spice creamer, pumpkin banana muffins, and pumpkin spice granola. It allll makes me happy.
I’m obsessed with coffee. I drink it too sweet. I’m trying not to drink much Coke Zero but have had more this week than I had in a while. I figure it’s better than alcohol, right? One can ruin my life and the other just makes me feel nauseous if I have too much and makes me a little tired.
I love makeup. It makes me feel more awake, alive, and confident. I’m find without it as well! I love that I own more and more. I have so many options! I want to start sharing more makeup videos! It has made a huge difference in myself as I’ve gotten out of my comfort zone!
I could probably go on and on…
Here are a few pics of the little things that make me happy :-).
I had my community group over yesterday for breakfast and they gave me a gift! It made me so happy and feel so loved.
And lastly… I’ve decided to start doing free personal consultations with anyone who wants one, and it’s not necessary to buy anything! Schedule one today!