August 8, 2018 by Courtney
Like I wrote on Saturday, I had a rough day. It was the first time in a while that I thought about drinking (I wouldn’t actually do it, but it was on my mind). In that moment I realized why I’m feeling that way… it had been a while since I went to AA. Two weeks ago we were in Colorado. Last Monday I was supposed to have my interview, then when it didn’t happen, I was a pretty big mess. I also had the kids so there was no way to make AA happen. Luckily Monday Robert was off and he took the boys with him to San Antonio. Karis stayed home (then went to her friend’s house). I was able to enjoy my day in town. I went to AA, had lunch with my sponsor, and went to Walmart. My sponsor told me something big that’s going on in her life and asked me to pray for her. That’s a big deal for her. She’s always the one who gives and gives so I’m happy to be there for her.
On a random note… I found out that our Walmart has grocery pickup. This is HUGE. I prefer HEB for sure but if Walmart is going to allow me to buy online and just drive there to pick it up, Walmart all the way! This is how I’m going to buy school supplies as well.
Anyway… I digress…
Summer is hard on my sobriety. Not only is it normal for people to focus on drinking (it’s everywhere), but it’s stressful with the kids home (which made me want to drink a lot before), and I can’t go to AA consistently. I need to break down and do online AA. I mostly forget that it’s an option! But it’s necessary. Seriously. The program WORKS. I used to be anti-AA, but I see how much it works.
Monday I had 663 days of sobriety! 94 1/2 weeks. Almost 22 months (on the 12th). The program “works if you work it.”
Also, I’m thankful for all that I’ve learned about self care and how to cope with my anxiety in healthy ways. Gratitude, meditation, hot bath with epsom salt and oils, my nightly skincare routine, face mask, makeup, yoga, hiking/being outside, camping, prayer and journaling, blogging, reading, hanging out with friends (sometimes), being alone (sometimes), reframing my thoughts (they matter a lot), cleaning, and much more.
Life is so different because of my sobriety and the medication that I’m on for my mental illness. I have come a long way and I praise God for leading me to the right resources to help me get well. I mean, I will never be “healed” (until I’m in heaven of course), but I am stable and that’s all I can ask!
Even in my stability, it’s crazy how easily I can be throw off base. The crazy things that happened last week made me super anxious and feel depressed. It’s clear that working full time isn’t for me. I need to have control over whether or not I work that day. So, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing!
For today’s Gratitude (not in any order):
- My Savior. He’s always there. He loves me for who I am. He died for my salvation and the salvation of everyone.
- My amazing husband who supports and encourages me to be the best me I can be.
- My children who are passionate and love me well.
- My parents who do everything they can to be part of our lives, help with the kids, and help our family in general.
- A really good night’s sleep last night. Went to sleep early and woke up at 9. About 10-11 hours of sleep! I needed it. I’m feeling good today.
- Coffee. Always coffee.
- Pumpkin spice candles (no it’s not too early)
- Having all of our needs met
- Water in my favorite water bottle
- My Happy Planner
I could probably go on and on!
Life is good. God is better.