October 19, 2018 by Courtney
I’ve been sitting in front of my computer much of the day thinking I just need to blog because I have so much in my head. But then I go to try to blog and I feel like my brain is mush.
This time of year is fantastic in lots of ways. It gets cooler. I start listening to classical Christmas music which relaxes me and makes me happy. I light pumpkin spice candles all the time. I make all the pumpkin things. I love the holiday time. Halloween is fun now because we trick or treat as a camp family, then have a night of fun. Pumpkin carving, cookie decorating, and a chili cook off. This week alone we had a ramen bar night and a wing night. SO fun! I love my camp community so much and we are sooooo blessed to be here.
On the other hand, it has been raining for a few weeks straight (with one sunny day in between). I LOVE the rain and cold this time of year usually but since it has caused so much flooding and destruction this year, I’m over it. We have been flooded in at least 5 days in the past few weeks and our dirt road is so torn up that I don’t want to try to drive out to go to town (even though I need to).
Also, we’re getting closer to the anniversary of my brother’s death and that brings a lot of anxiety and depression even though I fight it. I remember last year not being able to get off the couch all day, feeling physically terrible. It’s crazy what grief and trauma will do. His death was so gruesome and traumatic that it’s all I can think about sometimes. I hate that he died the way that he did. It has affected my life and my parents’ lives forever.
Historically my moods just struggle more in the winter time (it’s not winter yet but it’s getting there).
Like I said, I LOVE holidays so I try really hard to focus on the happiness and joy that they bring!
I’m hoping that this year will be different since I have really good meds and have been stable since January. I’m also more involved in things this year than I ever have been. Community events, hosting Bible study at my house, coffee with friends, game nights, etc. I try to keep my house clean, stay organized, read daily, get more sleep, have gratitude, find joy in the little things, reach out to give and receive from others, work through my Balance 365 program and focus on developing small habits one at a time, learning to love myself and my body the way I am/it is, enjoy my coffee and hot tea, find strength through AA and Jesus to stay sober, meal plan and prep weekly, etc.
Speaking of, I’m going to stop writing my random thoughts and go meal plan. That post will be coming up!