November 25, 2018 by Courtney
I read a blog post yesterday by Jami at My Journey to a Butterfly titled “I Am.” I was inspired to write my own, so here it is…
Who Am I?
Well… that’s a complicated question because I’m not sure I can be described. I will try.
I am a Christ follower. I began following him at the age of 11, but I didn’t quite understand until I was about 18. I was discipled by a couple who taught me who I am in Christ. I will never forget that time in my life. It was at that point that I began truly following Christ and spending time in His word regularly. I then got involved in the BSM and was part of the leadership team. Then camp ministry. We’re still in camp ministry and probably always will be. It’s who we are. We are “camp people.” I plan to write a whole post dedicated to this part of me because I feel it’s the most important.
I am a wife. Robert and I have been married almost 15 years (in less than a month). It hasn’t been easy as he’s been there for me through mental illness, grieving the death of my brother, hospitalizations, alcoholism, rehab, and on and on. Our marriage is amazing in the same breath as hard. I’m so thankful to be married to my best friend. We truly enjoy being together. We love the outdoors together, playing games, working together in the kitchen, just sitting and talking. He knows me better than I know myself. I am so blessed with him.
I am a mother. A mother of 3. These three kids were born close together. The first many years were so hard as I went through postpartum depression and anxiety, working full time a lot when they were little, alcoholism, hospitalizations, etc. But they are amazing people and I’m so glad to have them in my life. Karis is almost a teenager. She’s an an amazing person. She is her own person. She knows who she is. She is proud and confident. She knows she’s a bit weird and she owns it. She loves to read; she could read a 600 page book in a day or two. She’s so smart. Ethan has always been my hard kid. He’s passionate. He has an idea about something and follows it through and obsesses about it. He gets worked up over little things. He loves hard. He loves to cuddle. He always needs to be moving and be outside. He is very smart with his hands. Levi is my baby. He’s almost 9 but still loves his mama to cuddle him. He has his “blankie.” He is an indoor kid and is happy and content. He is very smart and academics come naturally to him. He reminds me of my brother, which is the best part of all.
In true mama form, I just made this all about my kids and less about me as a mom…
So I’ll talk about that. I am a bit high strung. I get onto them a lot for a messy room and making messes in general. I have a hard time letting them be kids sometimes, but I’m working on it. I try to do all the fun things like homemade play dough, oobleck, baking together, games, movie nights, holiday traditions, music all the time, and on and on. I have been off and on with this depending on how I’m doing mentally/emotionally. This year I have been doing so well. It has been refreshing and amazing. I’m not perfect. I allow them to be on electronics too much. I forget to make them brush their teeth. They eat a lot of sweets. I don’t make them read as much as I should. It is what it is. I’m not perfect and never will be.
I am a writer. I’m not an amazing writer. My words aren’t beautiful, but they are mine. I’m not poetic. I don’t necessarily use vivid or figurative language. I am real. I share the good and the bad. I plan to write a memoir one day. I don’t know that I will sell any, and I don’t know that I care. I know that the right people will read just like the right people read my blog.
I’m an indoor person and an outdoor person. I love to camp, hike, backpack, sit on the porch, watch the sunrise and sunset, enjoy a fire, and all of those things. But I also love my office and being cozy in my home. I have made my home perfect for me and my family, and people walk into my home and tell me how much they love it. I love having a home that people want to be in and feel safe in.
I am silly and I am serious. I take things personally. I think deeply about all the things. I over-think actually. I’m an introverted extrovert. I love my friends and family and spending time with them, but I recharge by being alone. I’m thankful that I get lots of alone time most days. I am vulnerable. I share everything that I’m processing and thinking about. I used to care what people thought and I was hurt by others many times because of my vulnerability, but I trust that God uses it for His purposes and plans.