January 31, 2019 by Courtney
I have realized recently that the perfectionist in me is always working to improve myself. My mind never stops. The desire for perfection never goes away. It is so hard to live day in and day out that way.
Improvement isn’t a bad thing, but it is a bad thing when that’s all I think about, and I give myself zero grace when I mess up. Or even when I’m struggling with something in general. I have a hard time accepting that maybe things will just be this way and to be okay with it.
My friend suggested “accepting the inactivity” today to someone else and it was an ah ha moment for me. I don’t even know if I know how to do that! I’ve been in a constant state of perfecting and proving myself for as long as I can remember.
What would happen if my brain just accepts that I am who I am right now, that things may not change for a while (or at all), and that I am okay? Right. Where. I. Am.
For example. Because I went to sleep at 3:30, I slept till noon today. I always feel guilty for sleeping all morning. But what if I just accepted it? Gave myself grace? I didn’t eat breakfast because I was asleep, but I ate a super great, balanced lunch! Protein (breakfast sausage and boiled egg), carbs (quinoa and flaxseed chips), fat (in the sausage and salad dressing), and a big salad (butter lettuce, cucumbers, and grape tomatoes)! I made that lunch without much thought at all. I just decided that I needed a meal that made me feel good and that would keep me full!
What if eating a healthy meal, doing a little cleaning and a load of laundry, showering, and blogging today is enough? I have other days that are busier, and I feel like I just do what I need each day.
I’m starting to tell myself “grace, grace, grace” when my mind is overthinking. Sometimes it’s hard (like last night), but I’ll get there.
One day at a time, just like with everything else in life!