January 31, 2019 by Courtney
After a week of over-thinking, it has been soooo nice to just rest AND be somewhat busy to get out of my head.
Friday was town day, Saturday and Sunday I did cleaning and food prep, and Sunday night was a fun time with our camp family for a wedding shower. Monday I was in Rocksprings (AA, lunch, a few groceries) then home, gathered items that a friend gave away and set them up at the house (pictures below), dinner, and Bible study. Tuesday I slept in the morning, cleaned out the boys’ room and did some organizing in there, hung out with a friend, dinner, then Ethan and I watched our show (Parks and Rec). Yesterday I slept all morning (it’s what I do…) then cleaned a bit more in the boys’ room. I also did some picking up in the house, dishes, made my bed, and ate some lunch. Then I prepped for dinner! We had new friends over and it was a complete blessing. I’m so so glad that their family is here and know that God will do amazing things through them! And I’m excited about their friendship! I feel like we clicked with them.
Unfortunately I was awake till about 3:30 last night. I tried to sleep for hours just tossing and turning. I finally got up, had some cereal (I was hungry), and took some benadryl. I used to take it every single night but I have been trying not to. There are a few things that I can try like drinking less caffeine through the day, and I forgot to rub on my oils (maybe this is key?). I’m trying to have less melatonin as well, but I need to try one thing at a time. I ended up sleeping till about noon. I got up at one point for a few minutes and decided I wasn’t ready to get up. I hate insomnia. But honestly, even when I do get a “good night’s sleep” I sleep all morning. I just have to. My brain shuts down. I cannot function. Driving anywhere in the morning is so hard. I try to schedule things later in the day so that I can sleep in somewhat. Maybe that’s just my reality now.
All that to say, despite the insomnia, things have been looking up, and I think it’s because I have had enough rest time, but also enough busyness to keep my mind from over-thinking.
I’m also at peace with the fact that I’m figuring out who I am and becoming okay with that.
Mental health is such a dance. It takes a lot of work and effort every single day to stay healthy. Meds, coping skills, self care, the right balance of rest and busyness, finding joy in the little things, SOBRIETY, and focusing a lot on sleep.
January is especially hard on me. I’m not even sure why, but it always has been. I’m assuming weather and gloominess doesn’t help. But I know part of it is my bipolar 2 cycles. Since I have bipolar 2 and not one, I have more trouble with the lows. The highs are just extreme energy (for me) which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The only bad part is that I know it will follow with a low. Luckily, since I’m on good meds, my highs and lows are totally manageable these days. Still not fun, but I can handle it. I don’t get hopeless and suicidal and shut down.
This is the brain of someone like me. I feel like maybe it’s silly to share all of this (it’s nothing earth shattering), but I have to process every little thing. It gets things out of my head.
I slept till noon and I could lay back down and sleep all afternoon. But instead, I’m going to force myself to stay up, have a late lunch, and work on things around the house. Luckily it stays pretty clean; I just need to do dishes and a load of laundry. I also need to shower (something else that can be hard for me). Maybe I’ll do some yoga before bed tonight. It’s a super helpful way to wind down.
Okay… on to some pics of things from the past few weeks:
We made homemade ramen for some friends. I enjoyed the food and the company!
While that was happening, Karis enjoyed a birthday party with her bffs.
Saturday, Ethan got to spend the day with his cousin in Abilene.
He also got to go to a gun show with his dad. He bought 4 used pocket knives. Haha!
We got this awesome kitchen cart and I turned this area into a coffee bar. We also got that cool mirror above and the tray that the cups are in. The kids’ and Robert’s backpacks fit nicely on the shelf. It has transformed our living area.
I also got some random pillows to throw on my couch. It’s not like me to do that (have random anything), but currently it makes me happy.
I’ve worn makeup 3 times this week, which has been common lately. It really does make a difference in how I feel. I don’t know why.
Ethan and I are obsessed with tapestries.
Levi’s side is still decorated with Star Wars. Unfortunately, he’s kind of over Star Wars these days and is obsessed with Transformers. Oh well.
I got some new essential oils from a new company! I’m super excited to see how these work for me. I did a ton of research on them and they are high quality without the hefty price tag because it’s not an MLM company.
I’m thinking about taking it easy the rest of the day despite the fact that I feel like I should do all the things. We’ll see.
Thanks for reading my random post. Sometimes these will happen.