February 10, 2019 by Courtney
Gosh. January and February are rough months for me. They have been for years, and I’m not sure if it’s because of my bipolar 2 or just the season. I have a lot of friends who struggle during these months as well.
Also, in addition to my normal mental health struggle, there have been specific situations that have been difficult for me as well. Part of that includes good friends leaving camp (under tough circumstances), the bullying that Ethan has experienced, Ethan’s mental health struggles (he wrote a suicidal note the other day and has been struggling with anxiety and I think also depression), struggles with my mom (this is better now and I won’t go into the details), and more. It’s just a combo of things.
Praise God that despite my depression and anxiety, I’m here today. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts or felt hopeless. I’m making it each day and leaning on Jesus and my coping strategies. Being around people when needed, but also being alone or at least home has helped a bunch. Lots of self care. Grace.
I’m not out of the dark hole quite yet, but I’m getting there.
This weekend, I had much needed self care.
I slept in both days.
I cleaned up the house (necessary) but didn’t focus on perfection; I just made it comfortable.
I showered (sometimes this is hard).
I rested in bed and did lots of reading. Robert rested on the love seat next to me.
I praised Jesus. I prayed.
I had an epsom salt bath with essential oils.
I plan to do my weekly food prep this evening. This helps me feel less overwhelmed during the week, and I usually eat more balanced meals.
This past week:
I use essential oils in my diffuser and in a roller bottle for sleep every night. It helps so much!
Friends have reached out and loved me well. Between texts, calls, messages on FB and Instagram, comments on posts, and even a sweet gift, it has been made clear that I am loved even when I didn’t think I was! This bracelet came from someone who reached out to me recently who I haven’t seen since 2014! This says “grounded” as a reminder to stay grounded in what I know to be true even when I’m struggling. It’s a great reminder!
I spent time with people but also spent time being alone. Bible study, library, church, HAF home, and town day on Friday. I went to church on a Wednesday for the first time in years. I plan to work with the youth. Also Levi’s party was yesterday and today we are celebrating his birthday with my parents.
I have spent time one on one with my boys (I took Karis shopping a few weeks ago and am planning another one on one time with her).
I hosted Bible study which was hard but necessary. Canceling something because I’m struggling (at least every time) gives into the struggle. I am so glad I did this even though it was a really hard day.
I’m making new friends.
I got rid of a bunch of clutter that was taking up space in my house. I gave it to our little thrift store in Rocksprings called The Attic. I just love that place and the woman who runs it! She’s such a sweet person.
I fixed my hair and put on a little bit of makeup Wednesday. Sometimes I just need to do that.
Getting back to AA has made a huge difference!
I know that I’m gonna be okay!