Continuing to Give Myself Grace

I had a really great few days after deciding to not sub, and I started feeling better physically (I had a cold for a few days).  I started doing well mentally because of these things.  I decided that I needed to focus on the things that I’m grateful for and remember that I am capable of more than I give myself credit for.  I have so many wonderful friends and family supporting and encouraging me.  I can do this.

Then last night happened.

I had a lot of anxiety about the weekend (long story, but we were going to be traveling with a lot of people to go to a bike race and it brought lots of anxiety).  I only got 2 hours of sleep last night.  So, I ended up deciding to stay here.  Robert and Ethan went without us.  I slept most of the day today.  This always makes me feel badly mentally, but I don’t know how to do things any differently.  I wasn’t able to function on 2 hours of sleep.

I’m hoping that regular movement (starting Wednesday!) will help me to feel better physically.  Maybe it will help me sleep better also!  I’ve been doing better with falling asleep, but I struggle when I have to get up and go first thing in the morning.  Also knowing that I was going to be around a lot of people for a couple of days without a break made me really anxious.  I’m an introvert big time and need the time alone.

On another note…

I’m super excited about what’s to come.  I decided the other day that I will begin working out every Monday and Wednesday at the gym in Rocksprings (that my friends own).  It just opened recently and right now there aren’t many people using it so I will have some time to myself.  I’m planning on doing the Balance 365 program called Arms Like Annie.  It was created by one of the founders of the program and she’s a personal trainer and has been for quite a while.  It’s helpful because it’s videos that I can watch right from my phone.

I’m trying to not sit in my frustration at my poor sleep and sleeping all day today because it was just one bad night.  I have the opportunity to sleep well tonight.  I’m going to focus on taking it one day at a time.

My poor sleep affects my eating habits as well.  It’s quite frustrating.  Today all I’ve had is Honey Nut Cheerios and Cheetos with Coke Zero.  On a good day I have completely balanced meals.  But when I struggle with my sleep, I reach for quick energy in carbs and caffeine.  Also I reach for easy.  I’m hoping that tomorrow I will have a good nutrition day.

No guilt and one day at a time!

Guilt is what makes me spiral.  I need to give myself grace.  Anyone would struggle with only 2 hours of sleep.  I’m human.

I’m going to focus on good sleep hygiene before bed.  I stopped caffeine for the day several hours ago (and I didn’t have much).  I will read before bed instead of spending hours on my phone.  I took my meds early so that my melatonin can kick in.  Essential oils (in the diffuser and rolled on).  Meditation.  It helps a lot.

I’m currently having some lavender chamomile tea by candlelight while I finish up this post.  The kids are finishing a movie before they go to bed.

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Tomorrow I’m going to focus on food prep and getting the house clean to start the week out well.

I almost always eat better when I do my meal prep.  Knowing that I have nutritious food to reach for is helpful.  Also, I am almost out of cereal and chips so I won’t reach for those haha.

Alright… I’m going to go do my nighttime routine and go to bed soon!  Please pray that I sleep!

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