Such a Change in Me the Past Few Weeks

I struggled with depression and anxiety badly the month of January and into February.  I was so sad that my meds weren’t working and that I would have to make another med change (which, after a year of stability, I was very frustrated with).

Who knew that deciding to homeschool the boys would make all of the difference!

There are a few reasons.

  1. Ethan was having so much trouble in school with major bullying happening and teachers/admin that weren’t addressing it.  They blamed him for it saying that he was causing problems that telling people to stop doing things when they were purposely trying to annoy him.  He had bad anxiety (including saying his stomach hurt ALL the time), was throwing tantrums most days when he got home, was angry and frustrated all the time, and even wrote two suicidal notes.  He has also always struggle academically.  His teacher said he was doing fine, but I knew what was really going on.
  2. Levi has been complaining about kids being mean all the time and bullying him as well.  He was angry all the time, anxious, and depressed.  His teachers didn’t see anything happening at school (and I LOVE them), but he would talk to me about it every single night.  It was so hard to hear.
  3. I was feeling completely lost with-in myself, not knowing what to do with myself and feeling like I had no dreams to fulfill.  I felt like I had no purpose and goals in life.  I was just kind of floating.  I was sleeping alllll the time and feeling lonely.  I had no vision.
  4. Becoming a childbirth educator wasn’t something I had passion for; I was just doing it because I had nothing else to focus on.  I may still do it eventually, but I’m setting it aside for now.  I think the fact that I was trying to force something that I wasn’t super passionate about made things even harder for me.  It was the same when I was selling Younique last year.

Homeschooling the boys has pretty much solved all of these issues.  Their anxiety and depression is so much better.  They play together often.  They are learning so much at home in a more gentle way.  They have lots of time to be outside and be creative.  They get to play with friends often, and it’s so great that they actually have friends here.  They didn’t have any in school (from what they said at least).

Our home is peaceful (most of the time).  We have found our rhythm and are just enjoying the days.  I am MUCH less anxious and fearful this time around; I am completely different than when I homeschooled in the past.  I know what I want to do and follow through with it.  I’m not worried about messing up and that they won’t learn, mostly because I know that Ethan hasn’t had a ton of instruction in a while so I can’t be any worse.  Haha.  But also because I’m already seeing growth in a week and a half!

We’re taking things slow and allowing them to feel successful.  We went back in a few things to fill in gaps in learning and it’s helping them feel good about it all.

My anxiety and depression went away pretty much immediately, which is surprising!

I feel like I have purpose in life and have things to do each day.  I’m not just sleeping my day away and eating processed foods and drinking soda all day.  I’m trying really hard to focus on eating more nourishing foods again and as soon as the weather gets better, I plan to do nature walks with the boys often.  I think we will start Thursday afternoon because it will be in the 60s!

Our school days are pretty amazing right now; I hope it continues!

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