180 Degree Change
It has been interesting to process.
It came out of nowhere and it has been kinda weird. I thought I knew who we were as family and that is changing. We went from a slow moving, adventure focused, relaxed homeschooling and homesteading family to a family with two working parents, back in school, and we’re about to have a big focus on team sports (Ethan wants to do alllll the sports). I am still working things out in my mind, but I’m kind of excited about where we are headed.
Being back in the classroom and having kids in school again are things I said we would never do again. I’m kinda laughing now because God has a sense of humor. But He knows what’s best and has an amazing plan. I have learned to trust Him because even when things are hard (those times are coming again), I know that He uses them for His glory and our good.
Who Are We As a Family?
I have been thinking about this a lot. I have been trying to decide if being a “Wild and Free Family” is who we are anymore. We are no longer living the way we were living and that’s okay. We don’t have as much time to adventure, but we do still love to. But we don’t homeschool and have a focus on nature and Charlotte Mason homeschooling. We don’t do all of the things that we did when we homeschooled. We don’t have time to invest in our homestead except for our chickens (no gardening or anything right now). I don’t have time to make everything from scratch (I still will some, but not everything!). So what should I do about my blog name and Instagram name? I thought for a while that I would keep it the same. Then I decided I didn’t want the pressure of being identified by that if I didn’t feel we were living that lifestyle anymore. So, I went back to my old blog name (it was still a registered domain, all I had to do was switch it to primary and update the blog header).
Is Changing My Blog Name Necessary?
Probably not. But it helps me settle into my new role and life a little easier. My blog is a part of me. I have been blogging for like 12 years. At least. It has been my outlet, and as I have changed, my blog changes with me. The blog name “Home of the Croslands” has been the name I have had the most. “Our Wild and Free Family” is something I changed it to less than a year ago because of a lifestyle change. Now I’m back to the old name. It’s fine. No big deal. It feels a little more generic and can stay the same even when we change because we will always be the Crosland Family.
On Another Note…
I have been working in my classroom so much and I am so excited about how it is turning out. It feels like home, and that’s the goal that I have for my students. That’s why I titled my classroom blog “Home Sweet Home.”
I have changed how I discipline, how I relate with people, how I manage stress, how I handle change and difficulty, and my whole attitude has changed.
There will always be things that I will have to work through and I will have difficulty. I won’t always handle things well and I will have anxiety. I think coming into things accepting that will help me to give myself grace and realize that everyone has moments like these.
I have noticed that my anxiety about things improves when I’m busy! I’m not in my head all the time, focusing a lot on social media, and being lazy.
I have seen God work this all out 100%. I did NOT plan on teaching, but God had other plans. If you think you will NEVER do something, think again! And trust God. His plans are better than our own. I have been asked if I can handle this again, if my kids are handling it okay, etc, and all I can tell people is that this has been a God thing from the day I went into town to pick up our library books just two weeks ago (today). I didn’t plan this at all. So I trust Him with it. I really do.
I’m trying really hard to ignore the negativity and walk away from people who can’t say anything nice about where I will be serving and my kids will be going to school. It has happened. I have learned that there really hard some amazing people and the school is much better than I thought! Some big changes are happening that make the bad things that happened the past few years much better, and I trust God with those changes.
I might be posting redundantly. That’s okay. This is my outlet :-).
Falling Right into My New Role
Gosh. I am exactly who I was meant to be all along. I have had low anxiety as I’m figuring out my new role. I feel so comfortable and ME. I struggled with figuring things out all of the time when I was homeschooling. I definitely had really good times (like our morning time together), but I struggled greatly with curriculum because none of the homeschooling curriculum or styles really fit me. That’s important because if it doesn’t fit me, it doesn’t really fit any of us since I was the one implementing. I tried so hard. I like the idea of Charlotte Mason, but I started to realize it’s not a good fit. I love nature, but consistent nature outings and studies didn’t happen. We weren’t consistently narrating. We didn’t love vintage books. We like “twaddle” (well the kids do). We didn’t fit into really any models. I loved teaching the way I did in the classroom but that’s hard to implement at home. We all needed regular routine and schedules. That’s also hard to implement at home. I wasn’t consistent with much. I’m much more consistent in the classroom.
Our 3rd grade curriculum is so great and I really love having such a great resource. I can also sway a bit if that’s what works best (in the way it is implemented). The ELA curriculum is the workshop model and it is integrated which is so amazing. It involves mentor texts and the writing process and conferencing with the kids. I will implement guided reading. I cannot wait to have students in my classroom. It’ll be a little while, and things might change based on what happens with Covid. I hate Covid.
Ultimately my identity is in Christ. Not in loving adventure and nature. Not in homeschooling. Not in being “Wild and Free.” Not in where we live. Not in having a homestead. Not in natural living. Not even in what we are experiencing today: me as a classroom teacher, the kids in school, and doing sports. It’s not in my love for hospitality (that has been taken away these days). Not in my choice of people to hang out with.
All of those things can change and fade away. Christ is my foundation. His death and resurrection on the cross and my salvation through that is my identity. His Word is where I find my strength and hope and trust. This brings relief and the ability to let go of control.
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” – Philippians 1:6
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,
so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” – 1 Peter 1:6-7
Hang on tight friends. God works all things for good, and He has a plan for You to glorify Himself and to give you good gifts. Sometimes it takes going through hard times. It has continued to happen in my life, but I have seen Him use it time and time again.