Taking a Deep Breath and Breathing it Out Slowly

Gloria, our sweet custodian, took this pic.

I feel like I say this at the end of every week these days, but what. a. week.

It’s exhausting.

I do LOVE life. But some days are so hard. I remember how much I need to rest in Jesus and know that He’s sovereign.

I was so stinking grateful for how 2020 ended. Beautiful, peaceful snow.

My understanding is that this hasn’t happened here since camp started in 1999. So it’s pretty cool that God gave us a kiss at the end of the oddest year that we have globally experienced (I have had some odd, hard years personally between Joey dying the way he did and my mental health issues, but this has been different).

Monday was a teacher work day + a day to meet our new superintendent. He seems pretty great so far. We will see how it goes! The district hasn’t had a good superintendent the whole time we have been part of it, especially the past few years. We have had an interim this year and he has been pretty great, but he has only been an interim. Anyway. I felt super great coming into the first day back because I felt totally prepared.

The week ended up being hard for so many reasons. One: it’s just hard coming back after a break. The students had struggles with behavior and so did my own kids! I planned WAY too much for the week and was exhausting myself trying to get through it all… especially since we were all worn out because it was the first week back! All I’m saying is that I wasn’t actually prepared like I thought I was. And Robert wasn’t home much at all because of his first group as Wilderness Director.

Then… then… Wednesday, January 6th happened. This was a huge, awful historic event that literally brought physical symptoms of anxiety. Trumpsters attempted a coup to overturn what was happening. Biden was going to be officially certified to be the president (congress had met to vote), and Trump’s followers stormed the capitol. He encouraged it since the election and it finally happened. Then while it was happening, he called these people special and said that he loves them. The HARDEST part for me has been the response. Way too many people encourage it and think it needed to happen. Our town is very conservative and like 80-something % voted for and love Trump. And it saddens me so so much. It feels heavy. I’m so glad that probably no one voted for him at camp (well, maybe, but not many), but most of my time is spent at school right now. I got some ugly looks and people talking about me at a local burger place because I was talking to my kids about how awful what happened was. Then two days later, I went back and they were there again, still giving me dirty looks and talking about me. Then I had a parent write “Trump 2020” on his son’s folder. It just feels so heavy. That’s the only word that I can give it. Why are these people acting so awful?

I decided to deactivate my Facebook account and create one only for Balance 365 coaching (which I successfully joined). It has been a breath of fresh air. I’m on Instagram and there is still political talk, but not as much. And it’s more of what I feel is truth. Actual facts are shared and people are condemning the fact that these people were trying to overthrow the government.

I’m so glad that since then, so many people have left their government positions (if they supported him), and he has finally come out and said that he concedes the race. So, really, it might have been a blessing in disguise. His Twitter has finally been suspended (this is the most awful way to address people, but that is what has been done for 4+ years). His platform is being shut down. He is not gone, but at least the new administration can move forward. I’m not blind to the fact that Biden will not be exactly who I hope him to be. Politicians are politicians. But he’s at least not damaging like Trump is. I’m ready to move on.

I’ve never cared about politics. But I had to this year.

I have found some good music lately because of a playlist that my hubby shared with me (Wild + Free). These songs resonate with me so very much.

Today, Robert and I will be having a date afternoon/night. I LOVE that we now have almost weekly date nights. It has been something I have wanted for a long time. I love us. We have a really great marriage and don’t even fight a whole lot. There are many things we have different views about, but we are also so similar in a lot of ways. I’m so glad that he is my partner in this life.

I’m focusing on spending time with the people I love, teaching well, listening to good music, meditating, cuddling my amazing pup, reading, baking/cooking, and working on Balance 365 coaching work. I want to be content with life despite the difficulty, and I want to stop beating myself up all the time. I’m taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly.

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