I wrote a piece for Juggling the Jenkins blog. If she chooses it, it will go on the blog and in her new book. We’ll see! I thought I’d share it here because it’s a short version of my story. … Continue reading
I almost always have so much on my mind that I want to write about. A lot of times it’s jumbled because it doesn’t all fit together well. So, I’m going to attempt to write out what’s on my mind … Continue reading
I feel like I have so, so much to share and I don’t even know where to start! Robert and I went to Big Bend State Park last weekend and it was so amazing and just what we needed for … Continue reading
Yesterday, I relaxed all morning (drinking coffee of course), then I worked in the house all afternoon. The kids and I cleaned the whole house, I did some laundry, and I organized my office. I also made an amazing vision … Continue reading
I’m thankful for Facebook memories. They remind me of how hard things were the past several years in the spring/summer. They remind me of how great I’m doing right now. They remind me that making the decision to put the kids in school (or keep them in school) was the best decision we could have ever made. It has been amazing for all of us.
Even so, life isn’t perfect and there will be hard days/weeks.
I have been so so fatigued again lately despite falling asleep pretty easily most days, and I feel like it has been getting worse. I just had lab work done to check my thyroid and it’s normal now. I probably really should focus on movement. I need to get out and hike more (again). I feel so good when I do, but it’s so hard to convince myself to just get outside. I honestly don’t know if I have the energy to make it happen at this point. But I will try. I have to remind myself that any movement is a good thing. So a 10 minute walk to start is okay! That could be enough to jump start something!
I’ve had a little more anxiety this week as well (though nothing like this time last year and the year before). I’m trying to remember that there is absolutely nothing that I have to do in my day (well, except for picking the kids up from the bus and leading the 12 step meeting in Rocksprings). I always want a spotless house, the laundry caught up, etc because it truly helps me mentally. But I can also let it go for the day if I can’t focus on it for whatever reason. It’s perfectly okay.
Dealing with kid issues is often what causes my anxiety. Ethan has always been my hard kid. In the past, he threw tantrums all day every day. From a baby till not that long ago. When he was homeschooled it was really bad. He struggles badly with relationships and being the “mean kid.” Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with him. He is in counseling, he takes medication for ADHD now (started about a week and a half ago, and hopefully it’ll eventually help his impulsiveness), and his teacher and I are working with him. Unfortunately there are some who can’t see all the work he is doing and just focuses in on his flaws. But I can’t do anything about that. So we keep moving forward. I do need to pray for him more. That’s something big that will help. My friend also shared a scripture with me that I can pray over him and share with him each day.
Psalm 19:14 (from the International Children’s Bible)
“I hope my words and thoughts please you. Lord, you are my Rock, the one who saves me.”
I printed it and will be putting it on the boys’ wall. It would be a good thing for Levi to focus on as well :-).
This is my favorite part of my days lately. It is so so so fun. The women in the community are amazingly supportive and encouraging (who want to see each person succeed), making videos has become fun and less nerve-wracking, there are ALWAYS fun incentives and perks, I’ve made a little bit of money (and have the potential to make a lot over time), I love the makeup, I love the skin care, it’s so nice feeling pretty, I’m taking better care of myself, it gives me some purpose and something to look forward to, I enjoy sharing the makeup with friends and seeing their excitement for our products (and how they make them feel), and I could probably go on and on! I worked several hours today, and it was fun the whole time!
12 Step Meeting
The 12 step meeting is going really well even though we only have a few people going. We have a new guy that is getting what he needs from the group. There are a LOT of alcoholics and addicts in our little town and very few of them are in recovery. Everyone joins each other in their addiction and do it all together. I’m hoping that by being consistent and continuing to show up even if we only have a few people coming that we will be a soft place to land when enough is enough.
Unfortunately, everyone has grown up in their environment so they don’t know any different. Anyone trying to get out of active addiction have a hard time because it’s everywhere.
Yesterday I was 18 months sober!! It’s such an exciting thing!
Robert and the boys are camping and Karis was at a friend’s house until a little while ago. I did a lot of work because the next two weeks I have 4 Younique parties! They will be small, but it’ll be a good chance to learn. My first one will start Monday! I have lots of videos, photos and graphics, etc along with doing at least one live video each day. I hope to do games and activities.
I’ll let you know how they go!
I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
Good morning friends! Today is starting out with a gorgeous sunrise. I got to listen to the birds sing for a while as well. I love being outside. There’s just something about God’s creation that brings peace and solace.
God is good. In the midst of the struggle, and in the midst of the rest and peace after the struggle. Y’all, I have struggle consistently for years. Like since Karis was born (and even before that, really). Severe anxiety, panic, depression, losing my brother the way I did, relationship issues, etc. I have had some good times, but they usually only lasted a few weeks at a time, and I’ve realized that many of those were times of hypomania. I thought I was just feeling amazing (I know now that it was the feeling of euphoria that I get when I’m hypomanic). And these times were always followed by depression.
I started a new med at the end of January (it’s actually a very old med and for some reason it’s not used very often… it’s also really cheap). I’m on a very low dose (in addition to a lot of other meds). I have been doing great ever since. I mean, I have low days, but they don’t stay that way. Usually it’s because I’m overly tired or dealing with circumstances that are difficult (usually involving one or more of my kids). I have consistently had low anxiety, no lasting depression, have had motivation (but not overly motivated like when I’m hypomanic), and I’ve enjoyed myself more than I have in so long. I have great relationships with people (I’m not assuming the worst as often). I spend more time with friends and family. My family has noticed a HUGE difference in me. They often recall what life was like when I was drinking all the time and when I was depressed all the time. I slept a lot. I was really short with them, yelling a lot.
Anyway… yesterday during Bible study we were studying Judges 3:7-11. In verse 11, it said that the Israelites had rest for 40 years! I was telling my friends how big that was for me and they said that they could see how that would stand out to me. This is so big.
Usually on self care days, I still do some chores. The reason is that having a clean house is self care for me. I like to keep up with everything so I don’t get behind and start to have anxiety and depression. I mean, anxiety and depression still happen (hello mental illness), but if I can prevent it, I will try :-).
So basically that means keeping up with the daily chores: one load of laundry (from start to finish), sweep/vacuum, make my bed, pick up things that are laying around (and the kids will clean up their things), and keep up with dishes.
I need to do a bit of food prep. This means cutting veggies for my veggie tray, and I will make an instant pot breakfast casserole. It won’t take very long. I also need to make dinner. Pasta and sauce in the instant pot and steamed veggies.
The self care things that I’m doing are: sleep in (till 9!), morning meds (buspirone, lithium, propranolol, lipitor, lexapro, and birth control that I take for my moods) and supplements (B-complex and Vitamin D3), blog (self care and meal plan), plan my week (in my Happy Planner!), and maybe nap :-). I am trying to drink more water so I have that with me through the day.
I also hope to play some games with the kids. I might go for a short walk.
Typically we go to church on Sundays, but when Robert works (every third Sunday), the kids and I stay home to rest and play. I have worship music playing all day.
What are your plans for self care today?
We received our income tax refund on Thursday, and it has been a fun few days as we have been able to buy some things that we’ve needed (and little bit that we wanted), put money in savings, paid off … Continue reading
Hey guys! I hope your weekend has started out well! I absolutely LOVE that I am no longer sleeping my weekend away! I woke up a little later than a week day but it was still early enough to enjoy … Continue reading
Being in a constant state of worship and adoration, service, gratitude, prayer, and confession are what set my heart on fire. Unfortunately my life has been just one struggle after another and my spirit has gotten lost in all of … Continue reading