We will be home every day this week, and I am thrilled with that. I’m a home-body these days. I love warm and cozy. Organized yet relaxed. Home cooked meals and hot coffee/hot chocolate. Christmas lights and soft music. Home … Continue reading
Last night was kind of my breaking point of the season. I struggle a lot this time of year. It’s a combination of lack of routine, the holiday let down, the dreariness, the fact that I’m an introvert and am … Continue reading
I know it’s early to put up a Christmas tree, but I am sharing this pic because I truly love Christmas lights. They bring a peace that truly affects my day in a positive way. I put up our Christmas … Continue reading
We have been here at camp for 3 years (this past May). And in that time we have not consistently been to church. We went to a baptist church in Kerrville a few times, a Methodist church once, and a … Continue reading
Today is a good day. I got up at 5:20 which is super early after not going to sleep till 11:30, but I am feeling pretty good despite that.
Ethan has been having tummy issues all weekend and again this morning, so he is home today. We’re always so torn about him missing school because he already struggles, but he can’t help it. It is what it is. He’s currently on the couch watching Wonder (again). I’m currently getting ready for the day ahead, including doing some work and planning in my Happy Planner (it makes me happy haha).
I plan to make a few videos and graphics today for my launch party on Wednesday evening for Younique (if you’re interested in joining, let me know!). I will be sharing about myself, my “why,” tutorials for how to use the make up, etc. It’s going to be fun! I’m hoping friends will be really active and involved!
Anyway… I was spending some time in worship this morning and gosh, I was just reminded about God’s love for me, then I was reminded how much He loves you as well. You should watch this video.
As many of you know, my friend and I started a 12 step meeting in our local town (Rocksprings). Through this, I have realized just how many addicts and alcoholics there are in town. The sad part is that there is such a divide among the people of Rocksprings. Those who are addicts (and honestly, most are hispanic and there’s a divide there as well), and those to just want them gone. And my heart is saying, “No! I don’t want them gone, I want them in recovery!” God loves them just as much as He loves me and you. This is really heavy on my heart because so many of them are caught up in the dealing and doing of drugs that they don’t see a way out. It’s all they’ve known.
God’s love is limitless. He doesn’t care what you’ve done because Jesus came and died for our sins and rose from the grave. That’s the beautiful news. The gospel. All we have to do is confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and that He rose from the grave. Ask for forgiveness. Give our lives to Him.
He is good.
Have a great day today remembering that Jesus love you!
I have been trying really hard to not sleep during the day. When I do, I will take an hour long nap instead of a 4 hour nap in the morning and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. Now, even when I don’t sleep well the night before, I try to wait till bed time to sleep. This worked out so well last night. I fell asleep at 9:45. Of course I woke up at 4:10, but I kind of dozed back off till my alarm went off at 5:20.
I am starting to love early mornings. I get that time with the kids, drink coffee, do my Bible study (currently doing a She Reads Truth Lent study), and spend some time praising Jesus through song. I also get to see the sun rise over the hills. We have a fantastic view from our house.
I love this song and have listened to it over and over this morning.
I also just LOVE this song. It’s a great reminder that we are loved and He has a plan. Have courage. Sometimes we have to wait for something, but He will be glorified through His plan. He wants good for us who love Him.
I’m a little behind in the She Reads Truth Lent study, but I’m okay with that. It’s not about being perfect but about drawing near to Jesus and spending time with Him. In turn, He teaches me about Him and His plan. Today’s study was very relevant for me coming out of a season of darkness. Check it out! The Plagues Continue.
If you’re turned off by all things God/Jesus, I pray that you would give Him a chance. While I was in the darkness I was bitter and angry towards Him. All of a sudden He gave me peace and joy. He reminded me that He is in control and that despite the hard (that happens because of sin in the world), He truly does want good to come. Sometimes we have to wait, but the good eventually comes “Miracles happen when you fix your eyes on Jesus.” And honestly I wouldn’t appreciate the good without the hard. He has taught me so much over the past several years. I love others better. I have less judgment. I’m stronger, I have more courage, I am able to be vulnerable, I have grown so much, I am able to be there for others, and I just want to share Him with others. My family is also stronger. We have grown together.
Today I pray that you would give Him a chance. He loves you no matter what you’ve done and what you’ve been through. He loves you just as you are (I mean, I’m an alcoholic and He loves me).
Have a good Monday!
Being in a constant state of worship and adoration, service, gratitude, prayer, and confession are what set my heart on fire. Unfortunately my life has been just one struggle after another and my spirit has gotten lost in all of … Continue reading
I have pulled out my computer and sat there staring at the screen (or getting distracted by Facebook) so many times in the past month or so. We have so much going on and I have so much that I could share, but the words just aren’t coming when I sit down to write. I’m not sure why. I do know that I have spent MUCH less time on my computer lately and that’s a good thing. I used to sit on my computer all day, every day. Now I don’t have time for that, nor do I want to. Part of the reason why I don’t write as much (or sit at my computer as much) is that I used to drink and drink and drink and all I could do while doing that is sit. Also I have been so busy. Mostly in a good way!
The moment that I decided to put Karis back into school, my anxiety went away and my depression lifted. We didn’t even take much time to pray through it once I thought of it because 1) I knew that Robert wanted our kids to be in school, 2) I realized that my mental health went back down hill when I pulled Karis out, 3) Karis went backwards in many ways being home and I knew it would be best to teach her how to persevere even when things are hard (and she needed to be around kids her age).
Since we’ve made that decision, lots of things have hit us… broken arm, asthma attack that landed Ethan in the ER, lots of doctor appointments, bloodwork, lots of medicine, Ethan got strep (and ended up missing 4 days of school), counseling appointment for Karis… And I have been in either Rocksprings or Kerrville pretty much every single day (with a day off here or there). I have also tried to go to AA twice a week but it hasn’t happened as much as I would like (I definitely go once at least).
But do you know what hasn’t changed through all of this craziness? My joy. I may be tired. I may be somewhat stressed. Karis has cried a lot (as we’ve been walking her through things). Levi has been in trouble a lot at school this year (and we’re working with his teacher and doctor to figure out how to handle this). But I haven’t regretted anything. I haven’t felt guilty. I haven’t tried to make something happen that wasn’t supposed to happen (which is how I ended up homeschooling off and on so much over the years). I haven’t made things to be my fault when they weren’t (like putting Karis in school or Levi getting in trouble). I’m just truly living each day. One day at a time. To its fullest. I’m more comfortable in my skin. I have spent a lot of one-on-one time with my kids. Karis and Ethan are doing choir. The house stays mostly clean (except this week because the kids are home, and that’s okay!). Robert and I work together. I focus a LOT on self care because that is what keeps me going. Life is just good. But I don’t take it for granted. With my history and my mental illnesses (and being an alcoholic), I truly have to take it one second, one minute, one hour, and one day at a time. And I’m finally in a place in which I can do that.
So on this beautiful Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for.
It has been literally years since I felt this kind of peace and joy for more than a few days, and especially through stress and difficulty.
My family and friends are amazing, I’m learning to love myself as God has made me to be (and I’m realizing what my true calling is), Jesus loves me and I love Him, we love Camp Eagle and are so blessed to be a part of this family, we have all of our needs met (even when we don’t know how things will work out, they always do), I’m thankful for AA and what it has done in my life (and continues to), I’m so thankful for the Healthy Habits Happy Moms community (and Balance 365 program) that has helped me see myself in a completely different light, and I’m thankful for all the little things that bring me joy each day… music, flowers, coffee, Christmas lights, candles, a hike, spending time with my friends and family, playing games, cleaning, coloring, drawing… the list could go on and on. I am who I am today because of who God is, my family and friends, and through the difficult of the past several years.
I have had yet another long few days thanks to anxiety. I will feel good for a few days and think that I’m “over the hump” for it to all come flooding back even worse than before. This over-breathing/hyperventilation syndrome … Continue reading
Like I’ve mentioned… I have been struggling with anxiety and depression lately. I’m not sure if I’m in a bipolar low or if something triggered it, but it’s been rough. Even last night it was really bad. I went to bed really early because I couldn’t function (actually, I slept on the couch because I just couldn’t get comfortable on my bed).
But… this morning… this morning I woke up feeling good. And that’s all I can ask for. One moment at a time! Even as I type this I am sitting on my back porch, listening to the birds singing, with a beautiful view of the hills. It’s foggy and sunny at the same time. So pretty! The temperature is perfect. I’m in short sleeves. It’s in the 60s, but warm with the sun on me.
The smell of the dew makes me happy… all of these things bring back good memories of last spring when I started homeschooling the boys. While I had a lot of anxiety about homeschooling them, I have good memories as well! I’m thankful for the time I had, and I might eventually be able to homeschool them again one day. We’ll just see what happens!
I’m thankful for Jesus’ unconditional love.
I’m thankful for bedtime reading and silly pictures with my kids. I’m thankful for the time I have with each kiddo in their bed at night (cuddling, talking, praying). I don’t do it every night, but enough. It’s my favorite time of day.
I’m thankful for the time I have to take good care of myself. This is what keeps me afloat most days.
I’m grateful for 145 days sober! I’m so close to 5 months! I can hardly believe it. It has gone fast. While I still have days in which I want alcohol, it’s usually fleeting. I hope one day I won’t even want it anymore! One day at a time!
I’m thankful for AA and learning so much through the Big Book. I’ll be writing about what I’m learning in a new post coming up!
I’m grateful for my LuLaRoe leggings that help me to be comfortable. I’m thankful that I’m learning to feel more comfortable in my own skin, despite a 35 pound weight gain these past few years (10-12 of those just in a few months). This is also a one day at a time thing, though. Even last night I was struggling with body image. But most days I’m feeling better about my body.
What are you grateful for on this Grati-Tuesday?