I used to think that was dumb. I mean, I am ENOUGH where I am. Jesus loves me, my family loves me, and I don’t HAVE to change to prove that I am worthy. I know all of these things. … Continue reading
Consistency is hard for me. I am a planner and plan to do things often that I struggle with follow through on or just give up when things don’t go as planned. This has been a struggle for me my … Continue reading
Last weekend I decided that I needed to treat sodas like I do alcohol because I sure drink them the same, and I decided to quit completely. I have been putting this off for many reasons: I didn’t want to … Continue reading
I’ve written about this sooooo many times, and I have made a final decision (after talking with Robert who is a very balanced person and he agrees with me this time). I am doing something “black and white” (I’ve been … Continue reading
This past week has been full of reflection. With the high profile suicides that are happening, my friend asked me if I was okay. She was concerned since I lost my brother to suicide and because of my own struggle … Continue reading
I feel like I have so, so much to share and I don’t even know where to start! Robert and I went to Big Bend State Park last weekend and it was so amazing and just what we needed for … Continue reading
Hey guys! I hope your weekend has started out well! I absolutely LOVE that I am no longer sleeping my weekend away! I woke up a little later than a week day but it was still early enough to enjoy … Continue reading
Yesterday I met my mom in Kerrville for her to pick the kids up and take them to her house. They are there till Monday. I spent a lot of the day today being lazy.
At about 3:45 I had had enough of that so I got up and got busy! I cut up veggies and baked some muffins. Robert came home about the time that I was going to cut a cantaloupe and honey dew. He ended up cutting it for me, then he pan-seared some salmon and chicken breast for me to have over salads this coming week. I bagged mixed nuts for snacks, made pumpkin steel cut oats in the instant pot, tore lettuce and put it in a big container to have salads, made homemade dressings (creamy buffalo and balsamic vinaigrette), and made quinoa.
I also have peeled boiled eggs (I buy them boiled and peeled from Walmart!) and Greek yogurt to grab for snacks or to go with meals!
I feel like I am set up for success! It feels so good.
All of this work only took a few hours! It helps that Robert pitched in!
On a similar note…
I started the Healthy Habits Happy Moms Balance 365 program several weeks ago. The idea is to pick one healthy habit at a time to focus on, and once you are consistent with it for a time, then you add another one. It’s slllloooowwww and hard sometimes. I have honestly struggled with even figuring out what to start with because I feel like I’m not at all where I want to be with my health. I am learning to love my body the way it is, but I know that I have a ways to go in the health department. But dieting isn’t the answer. It’s not healthy, it isn’t sustainable, and it actually leads to bingeing and weight gain. So I want to be okay with the slowness of this program.
Robert and I were talking earlier and I realized that he’s right… I need to focus 100% on being active again. So many reasons. I have high cholesterol and the meds that I was on cause high liver enzymes… since I am an alcoholic my doctor prefers for me to not take them unless I have to (even though I’m not drinking anymore!). Also. With my generalized anxiety disorder and the return of the weird physical symptoms, being outside hiking is REALLY good for that. It’s one of the best things for anxiety, actually. My counselor has told me that she wants me to walk 30 minutes a day and I haven’t been doing that. I find joy in being outside. I love hiking. I have just gotten out of the habit. I used to hike ALL THE TIME. Also, we are backpacking in a couple of months and I am NOT physically ready for that! It’s just the best habit to focus on right now!
My goal is 2-3 times a week by myself and once a week with the kids to do their nature study . I would like to do what my counselor told me to do (every day), but I’m going to start slow.
Overall I am doing SO well right now. I just still have this anxiety. And it’s weird that I’m having the breathing issue off and on. I know the anxiety is always going to be there, but my counselor tells me that I can get it more manageable if I get outside exercise. So that is what I will do!
Robert also reminded me that usually when I am active, everything else falls into place. I am more consistent with a lot of things in my life… time in the Word, eating healthier, I’m more active in the community, etc because I’m feeling good mentally!
This is kind of a hard post to write because it means me finding my voice and maybe going against something that I’ve been told over and over again. I’ve also learned to take the good from something and to be okay if I don’t agree with every part.
The body positive community is a tough one. On one hand, they helped me to learn to hate my body less, learn to eat more balanced (and stop dieting), learn to not feel guilty if I don’t eat perfectly, helped me to understand that fat phobia is a real thing and I’m in the process of overcoming that, helped me to see others in a different light, helped me to learn to eat when hungry and stop when full (intuitive eating), and much more! On the other hand, they are very feminist (which I have mixed feelings about), very anti-weight loss (which I have mixed feelings about because what if weight loss is the outcome of intuitive eating and joyful movement?), and I feel that they don’t seem to think that health is all that important.
I have been feeling guilty for wanting to eat healthy, for wanting to exercise (and have goals in this area), and for disagreeing with the community in any way, shape, or form.
Today I have been talking with the ladies in the Healthy Habits, Happy Moms group that I’m in, and they have helped me to feel empowered to do what I want for myself, my body, and my mental/physical/emotional health. Dieting doesn’t work. Habit change and intuitive eating does work. And if I don’t lose weight due to being healthy, that’s okay too. Healthy habits are my goal. I have decided that it’s okay if I want to start running again (despite being told that I shouldn’t). I want to become strong again. I want to be able to run a 5k again. I want to be able to hike long-distance again. I want to be able to feel good and not need a nap every day. I want to be able to backpack long-distance again. I want to continue to have a balanced view of food and feel okay with eating Cheetos, but also feel good about eating veggies. I don’t want to feel guilty for either. I want health to be my goal but to not feel guilty for wanting to lose weight in the back of my mind. I can’t help it and it doesn’t make me a bad person.
For my self care, I am going back to focusing on healthy habits. The two that I’m going to work on are: Doing Couch to 5k and reducing sugar in my coffee. I will continue eating balanced, taking vitamins/meds/supplements, and working on self love. The behaviors of exercise and balanced eating are what make me feel good, so that’s what I want. I also want to feel strong. When I was running before I felt so proud of myself and accomplished. I was able to handle so much physically. I ended up backpacking 23 miles in one day at one time (that wasn’t planned and I hurt for days afterwards, but I did it!). When we backpack, we typically hike 13-14 miles on average in a day. I want to be able to do that again! Right now, if I walk up a hill I feel terrible. I am so out of shape. I will probably also start doing strength training again eventually, but I’ll get there… don’t want to overwhelm myself. Three days of walking/running is sufficient for now! Self care is my goal, but if weight loss is the outcome, that doesn’t make me anti-body positive.
I want to also eventually try to increase my water intake and decrease my soda intake… but that’ll come. One habit at a time! Studies show that the more habits you try to change the least successful you are at actually making those changes.
The biggest thing that I am learning lately is that I need to stop caring so much what people say or think. I need to do what I need to do for myself. The same thing happened with my desire to homeschool. It all comes down to what’s best for me and what’s best for our family!
Robert completely agrees with me on all of this, and I’m so happy to have his support!
I woke up this morning (after only 4.5 hours of sleep) feeling a drive for taking charge of things. I have been working really hard (counseling, seeing my doctor once a month, taking my medication, working with a dietitian, etc), … Continue reading