I have been struggling mentally along with my continual physical health struggles. Last Saturday was the 10th anniversary of my brother’s death and the trauma of it all always hits me hard. I always think I’m prepared, but the anxiety … Continue reading
Robert and I went camping for 4 days and 3 nights this past week. While we were enjoying nature and the outdoors, I realized that I need some simplicity for a bit (for school). We have a big semester … Continue reading
A don’t use all of the Brave Writer curriculum; we just use what works for us. But I feel like the Brave Writer/Bravelearner Philosophy has given me “permission” to truly do what works for us… no matter what that is… … Continue reading
Robert and I have looked at finances for the next few months. We are taking a backpacking trip next weekend, then we are going to Colorado in October to spend time with my in-laws. The main costs are gas and … Continue reading
Whew. Yesterday was long and exhausting. The day before (Wednesday), I was on my feet for 8 hours baking. Then yesterday I was on my feet for most of the day. When I went to bed last night my body … Continue reading
The next few weeks are going to be pretty busy. I’m looking forward to it, but I’m also nervous about it. I don’t do well with crazy. So we’ll see how it goes. I’m already ready for routine Anyway. This … Continue reading
This post will be in two parts (I have two things I want to share and decided to not have it in two different posts). First, I’m going to share about how I’m simplifying things a bit in the planning … Continue reading
This year has been one of big changes.
It started out with me homeschooling just Karis. We both LOVED this. Karis grew so much.
Then I brought the boys home in March.
I had major anxiety issues when I brought them home. Struggling through Hyperventilation Syndrome again. This basically means that I was hyperventilating 24/7 (well, not when I was sleeping). It was so difficult.
My doctor ended up putting me back on Lexapro and with-in a week, it was gone!! I haven’t struggled with it since.
Even though I planned to continue homeschooling through the summer, I ended up stopping for a month because Ethan was struggling so much. I thought that a break was just what he needed!
I went back on a diet (it’s what I do during the summer apparently). I did that diet for 3 months this time!! Whew. It was very rough.
We went to Glorieta, NM for Family Camp. It was fantastic, but I struggled with anxiety while we were there. We ended up leaving a day early because I just needed to be home because of that anxiety.
We picked back up on homeschooling immediately when we got back. I thought it was going pretty well! But what I didn’t know is that I was drinking to cope with being with my kids all day every day, homeschooling, and anxiety surrounding it all.
I drank a lot no matter what. I had a compulsion to drink. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I got sick from it multiple times a week. I had times when I was shaky without the alcohol. I didn’t realize that those times were withdrawal. Many, many times I drank or got drunk before having community get togethers. Robert was incredibly worried because of this.
Finally on October 12th, after being sick yet again from being drunk, I decided I didn’t want to live that way anymore.
I emailed the leader of the Celebrate Recovery that I had just started going to, asking for names of treatment centers in the area.
This led me to La Hacienda.
This was the hardest and best decision I’ve ever made. Leaving my family for a whole month made me struggle desperately with the decision. Luckily they got me in the next day or I might have changed my mind.
La Hacienda was amazing. I actually miss it in lots of ways. I connected with people who were like me. I learned to accept people in ways that I never had before. I made new amazing friends that will be friends for life. I learned all about alcoholism and addiction and the fact that it’s a disease. It’s something that 15% of the population struggle with. It kills so many people. It’s a deadly disease. Lots of people there have been to jail, prison, and been through so much. Many had been in the hospital multiple times because of it. Most people had very high liver enzymes (mine were kind of high, but not terrible). This is what leads to death for many.
While I was at La Ha, I made the really hard decision to stop doing something that I loved for the benefit of my kids and for self care. I decided to put the kids in school. And Robert and I decided that this will be a forever decision.
My sobriety has to come first. From now on I will be going to town 2-3 times a week for AA. I will continue my step work until I’m through the 12 steps, then I will begin sponsoring women. My life is completely new and exciting. I will be bringing my experience, strength, and hope to other alcoholics! I will serve in AA.
I will also continue focusing on self care. It’s what will help with my mental health as well as sobriety.
This self care means that I love myself just the way I am. I eat healthy for self care, and I eat unhealthy for self care. I will start yoga soon and maybe pick up hiking again, all for self care. I will continue picking up healthy habits including working on my sleep habits, drinking more water, and picking up fun hobbies. Getting up early and spending time in the Word, praying, and meditating are all part of self care.
I will begin serving my community. I know that we are here for a reason and a purpose, and I want to live that out.
I will continue working on purging our home to make it a less stressful place to live. I will continue being organized because that’s self care for me.
We will continue working hard on budgeting and sticking to the budget so that we can pay off debt and have money in savings. Now that I’m not spending a fortune on alcohol, it’s possible!
Life is so good. I never imagined that I would be in a place that I was mentally healthy, sober, and living the life I only dreamed I could have.
God is so good! He is the reason for it all. I wouldn’t be where I am without Him.
Here are some pictures of this past year!
As you can see, even through the hard times, it has been a great year. The hard times just made me a new person! I cannot complain about those times. I’m so grateful today!
Coming out of rehab in November, I was kind of nervous about spending the holiday season sober.
This Christmas has been amazing, and it’s the first Christmas season in years that I have had alcohol free.
We spent Saturday, December 17th at my parents. Meemaw and Carter joined us! The food was delicious and the company was great! Then the kids stayed there till Wednesday. They had a blast! Here are a few pics from that day.
Robert and I had several days off together and we celebrated our anniversary (as I’ve previously written about).
We left Friday to come to Glorieta, NM (where my in-laws live)!
The kids have had a blast since we’ve been here!
Saturday they spent the day making snowmen and sledding down the small hill next to the lodge that we are staying in.
Then we made a gingerbread house and decorated “ugly Christmas sweater” cookies.
We enjoyed a quiet evening eating yummy food, playing games, sitting by the fire place, and chatting.
We left Santa some cookies, an apple, and water (my kids don’t believe anymore, but my nephew does!).
Sunday morning, we woke up to fresh snow!! It snowed most of the morning. It was beautiful and perfect.
The kids really enjoyed their Christmas presents and didn’t complain about not receiving much (it was just shoes, books, socks, and underwear along with some small stocking stuffers).
The kids enjoyed opening presents from Grandma and Grandaddy and playing with their new toys!
Then they went sledding on the big hill!
Merry Christmas from the Croslands!
I LOVE my HHHM group. Every single day they convince me to love myself as is.
Bringing these to do in New Mexico with our kids and niece and nephew!
I received my order from Amazon! I plan to bake lots of breakfast items with this to have more protein with my breakfasts.
It’s supposed to snow where we’re going for Christmas!
Ethan loves music! Playing “drums” on things around him, singing into karaoke machine, and “playing” guitar! Sweet boy!
We let the kids open their big Christmas gift early. They were so shocked and excited!
They played together for hours that night!
Granny and Pawpaw bought the kids a Karaoke machine. They love it!
I got to play original Mario Bros with Robert. This brought me back to when Joey and I were little. It made me want to tell him, then I realized I couldn’t. It was a sad, sweet memory.
The kids now have great chairs to play the WII! They love it!