Yesterday morning I was having an “I hate mental illness” day. I went to bed with a lot of anxiety and that stupid breathing issue again.
After some time and talking things out, I figured out WHY I was having anxiety, but it didn’t make me hate mental illness any less.
I have still been putting too much on my plate.
I will feel really good so I’ll pile stuff on my plate. Then I will have anxiety, and throw it off. Good, more. Anxiety, less. Rinse and repeat. I was talking to ladies in my Home of the Croslands group and one of my friends said that it sounds like a bipolar thing. Then another friend said that it sounds like an anxiety thing. But whatever it is, it has been something I have struggled with for years and years. I guess, ultimately, it doesn’t need a label. I just need to learn how to cope.
Also, Tuesday, I was obsessing about curriculum again ALL day. I wrote a blog post that took me HOURS (I have since deleted it). All I was thinking about was homeschooling curriculum and mostly about ALL of the resources that I have (SO many)!
And then there is the whole *hiking as my new habit* for the Balance 365 program that I have been feeling guilty about not doing even though I said I would! I had a goal of getting to hiking every day and that was over my head.
I have just been feeling overwhelmed.
Yesterday afternoon Ethan went to town with Robert so I let Karis and Levi just be on electronics so that I could lie down. I was in bed for quite a while and couldn’t ever fall asleep, but it was still really good. I listened to my Serenity Spa Music and just focused on my breathing. It was very beneficial for me.
Then I got up and wrote in my Balance 365 group that I am struggling with my first habit, still. One of the founders and a coach both reminded me that it needs to be so easy that I am 90-100% sure that I can stick with it. I’m realizing that the 4-5 days a week of hiking is just way too much for me right now! So I told them that a few weeks ago the kids and I started hiking once a week for their nature studies and they told me that would be enough for now! If I’m 90-100% sure I can stick with that, then do that for a while. Once I’m consistent with that for about a month, then I can add more to my plate. This is going to be a VERY slow process and that is so hard for me to get used to! I’m so used to dieting and exercising hard for a little while and not being able to continue because that’s not sustainable! I can do 1 day a week! I’m hoping to add in another day after Family Camp :-).
I actually have a lot of good habits in place: daily self care, one load of laundry a day, getting the kids to do their daily chores, making my bed each day (most days at least), tidying the house most days, once a week “big clean,” mostly healthy meals (balanced), meal planning and prepping (every 2 weeks), and most importantly, I’m almost 9 months sober (on Sunday!).
Then there’s the whole curriculum and book/resource thing…
I was sooooooo overwhelmed after looking at all that I have. Thinking about coming up with my own units for science (in addition to Apologia and nature studies) using living books in addition to our history curriculum, and just having ALL of the books and resources was too much. And trying to do The Good and the Beautiful AND Brave Writer was too much. So I’ve decided to reduce and scale back. I keep having this fear that if I scale back it won’t be enough, but I’m learning that the kids need me healthy and it actually benefits them in many ways to reduce what we do.
I decided that for the next few weeks (until Family Camp… we leave on the 19th), the kids will just do math and read for 20 minutes. We will also do nature studies once a week.
After Family Camp (we come back on the 29th) I will add in The Good and the Beautiful, then after labor day (after Robert and I get back from our backpacking trip), I will add in science and history.
This is my plan for the fall:
- The kids will read independently for 20 minutes per day. Karis will read extra to do her history novels (1 per month). She’s 11 and can handle that. And she loves to read.
- The Good and the Beautiful language arts covers all of this, a little bit each day: Phonics, reading/literature, poetry, spelling (with additional activities that I came up with), grammar, writing, art appreciation, and geography.
- I’m scaling back on the Brave Writer Lifestyle. We will do Poetry Teatime because the kids love it (but even if we miss a week it won’t be the end of the world). The kids like Friday Free-writes, so we will continue that most Fridays (I told them that they didn’t have to, but they want to). Copywork is through G&B handwriting. No consistent dictation (only once in a while). No writing projects for now (Brave Writer Partnership Writing). I have this for good (it is a pdf so I can’t sell), and we can always add them later if we need/want to. We will continue movie nights and playing games because we’ve always done that before Brave Writer. And like I mentioned, we will do nature studies.
- Instead of reading aloud (for morning time), we will listen to audio books: Shakespeare, The Action Bible (I also bought the book for them to take turns following along), and novels (some classics, some newish books). If we don’t get to it in the morning we will do it before bed (or even in the car). I won’t be strict about this… just several days a week.
- Math will be the same: Math U See with some Kumon books thrown in for extra practice. Karis is JUST doing the Kumon division book right now to practice. Like I’ve said before, she’s a few years “behind” in levels because she really struggles with math. That’s okay. She’ll get there.
- We will do Apologia Astronomy for science and Exploring Nature with Children (with the Handbook of Nature Study) for nature studies. We will not add in extra fun units for now even though I have a TON of living books. This may be something I add in eventually, but I need to keep it SIMPLE for now. I have the Apologia text, note booking journals, and the lab kit with the materials in bags labeled with the lesson on the outside. Karis will do every part of the notebooking journals (including taking notes, answering questions, doing vocabulary crosswords, project recording, mini books, and more), but the boys will do less.
- Story of the World for history: The boys will answer the questions and do narration orally. Karis will do written questions and written narration over what we read together. She will also read the novels on her own to go with it (one a month) and do a book project over it. We will do the internet links through the Usborne Encyclopedia of World History together because they are fun videos. I probably won’t do any extra projects through history. Maybe every once in a while.
That’s still a lot but I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore. I won’t use many “living books” after all because I just can’t right now. And that’s okay.
This is all of the stuff that I WON’T be using (at least not intentionally, for now):
Everything that I’m using is in the kitchen/dining room where we do our school (well, except novels that the kids will choose from).
I’m in the process of making a list for the kids’ independent work to put in their binder, but mostly for Karis. She will be involved in the read alouds of science and history and will branch off for the rest. I’m going to make her level of the Good and the Beautiful more independent even though it’s supposed to be together (we started on level 3 even though she’s 11 because this curriculum is advanced and she doesn’t have a solid foundation in grammar). I will find a way to make it work because she is ready for independence (she WAS independent before the boys came home). Also, making her more independent will actually help me out a ton.
I’m also going to make things more relaxed. As long as we get things done in the day, we’re good. Ethan is doing better these days without a strict schedule so I’m trying to have more of a routine and not a schedule. I want the kids to be able to stay up for fun camp activities, to have people over, and to just have movie nights and game nights. So I want them to be able to sleep in if they can/want. Of course Ethan CAN’T sleep in no matter how late he stays up, so we’ll have some limits :-).
One of the biggest things that I am learning is that I can use the breathing issue to my advantage. I have noticed that when I am doing too much and I get overwhelmed, I struggle with my breathing. When I take stuff off my plate, I feel better. So if I struggle with breathing, I will evaluate what I need to take off my plate!
I also just keep telling myself “grace” over and over anytime I get a thought in my head that I “should” or “need to.”
Now to print this off and hang it on my bulletin board! Haha!