I have had yet another long few days thanks to anxiety. I will feel good for a few days and think that I’m “over the hump” for it to all come flooding back even worse than before. This over-breathing/hyperventilation syndrome … Continue reading
I have a history of discontent. If something doesn’t seem to be working well or is hard, I change things. I see the difficulty as a sign that something isn’t right.
Because of this, we have moved so much and I kept chasing something new. We have moved 12 times in the 13 years that we have been married (a lot of that was at the same camp). We moved apartments early in our marriage. We moved twice when we lived in the Dallas area.
This worked its way into homeschooling. I have homeschooled off and on for a long time. When I started struggling mentally, I would put them back into school. This last time I really had no choice since I had to go to town all the time for AA when I got out of rehab. But it still counts.
I have spent a FORTUNE (and a lot of that in credit) on new curriculum. When things got hard for the kids or they seemed to struggle, I would buy the “shiny new thing” thinking that it would be better and they wouldn’t struggle as much. For Karis, this was math. For Ethan, this was reading and phonics.
We are using Math U See for the kids and while I LOVE it, Karis has still been struggling greatly. She’s going into 6th grade and she’s on the 4th grade level and still struggling. She can barely do basic division (2 digit by 1 digit with a remainder). So I was talking to Robert about Life of Fred math and telling him that maybe it would be a good fit for her because she loves reading (it’s story based). Without him even saying anything, I said, “Wait… I just need to stick with something, don’t I?” He agreed immediately and reminded me that hard doesn’t necessarily equal bad. And she may just never be good at math and that’s okay. And it’s okay that she’s on a level lower than her grade and it’s okay to take it slow. He also reminded me that it’ll be so good for the kids if I stick with something for a full year. And honestly, I need to stick with Math U See from now on because there is a DVD with a teacher teaching everything (and I’m terrible at math!). He teaches it in a way that makes more sense than any teacher ever taught me. There are also manipulatives and all of the kids make use of them every single day.
I REALLY want The Good and the Beautiful history, handwriting, nature journals, and another science unit. But. We have all that we need for those subjects right now. While I love the set up of those, I need to be content with what we have.
I already have Story of the World Volume one… the book, audio book, activity book, historical fiction novels to go with it (9!), the Usborne Encyclopedia of World History, and the Usborne Book of World History. I have an amazing set up for history this year. It would make NO sense to change.
Now. The reason why I love G&B is because the history covers all periods of history in one year (adding to it each year), it has fun activities, it has an amazing book of stories, worksheets, and a game for review. But I can always get it next year! No big deal! I’m not even sure if I’ll want to change after we finish what we have… I may want to stick with Story of the World!
Also, I was looking at buying handwriting from G&B. I ALMOST did. Then my doctor and I were talking about my impulsive spending and reminded me that if I am buying something new even though I already have something for that subject (and causing final trouble), that’s a sign of being impulsive. And she’s right! It stopped me in my tracks! I have Handwriting Without Tears, and the kids even like it!
Now. Next year I will probably buy G&B because I love that it teaches handwriting through copywork. It would cut out a step of our writing. But I can wait till next year! No big deal!
I was also looking at buying the G&B nature journals. But I already have some from Simply Charlotte Mason! They love them because they can watercolor right on the page (the pages are thick).
And… Science! I have SO much to teach science. I have one unit of G&B science already (which will last us about a semester), and I also have Apologia Astronomy. AND LOTS of science books and encyclopedias to make my own units if I want. I really have enough to make science work for a couple of years honestly. Now. When Karis is in 7th or 8th grade, I will be buying the junior high science books because she’s going to need them to prepare for high school (and honestly she LOVES science so she’ll be happy). But I have a year or two before I need to do that (I can’t believe she’s already in 6th grade).
All this to say… I think I will finally have a FULL year in which I don’t buy anything new! I have everything I need for at LEAST a full year (maybe more) and I am happy about that. It’s weird, to be honest.
And… we are not going anywhere. While camp ministry is HARD because especially lately Robert has been working a ton, we are content to stay right where we are. We love the way Camp Eagle is run, we love the people (camp family!), we love our home, we love that we live on 1400 acres and there are hiking trails and a clear river to play in. Moving to Camp Eagle has been the best thing that has happened to us!
Deciding to stick with something long-term actually takes away a lot of anxiety. I have a major spending issue, then I feel bad and feel anxious after I have spent. It’s so easy to buy online and I just throw money away that way. We were going to have me spend only cash but it hasn’t worked out well (lots of reasons), but at least this next check I will only have cash to spend (and less than usual because we’re going to New Mexico in a few weeks and we need money for that). I think we’ll actually be able to save up this year. And do more fun things with the kids.
I’m feeling content, hopeful, and peaceful. I know I will still have times of anxiety and depression (hopefully not, but I’m planning on it happening eventually), but I know I can work through them and just do what we need during those moments. That doesn’t mean we need to move, it doesn’t mean I need to stop homeschooling, and it doesn’t mean I need to buy something new and shiny. It just means we need to spend time in prayer and God’s word, I need to work through it, and I need to teach my kids to do both of those.