Wild + Free

I’m finding that my philosophy of homeschooling is changing, and I’m super excited about it. I still love most of the curriculum that I am using, but I’m learning to implement it differently and to add in really important things … Continue reading

Vision

Last Thursday night was so fun. I was invited to and went to a night where we learned about goal setting and creating vision for our life. I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect but it was pretty great. I … Continue reading

Now What?

Goodness.  My journey has been a long one.  A really hard one.  An amazing one.  One full of love from my creator and my family.  God has made it clear to me that He has a plan for my life … Continue reading

After Years of Struggle, I Have Found My Sweet Spot: You Can, Too!

Friends.  If you don’t know my story, I will share it briefly here… I have a long history of anxiety.  I didn’t know that that’s what I was suffering with until I went to a psychologist right out of high … Continue reading

My Life is Changed for the Better

Most of you know my story. Losing my brother to suicide. Depression. Bipolar 2. Severe anxiety. Suicidal ideations. Trying to work and having to quit more times than I can count. Trying to homeschool so many times. Alcoholism. Inpatient stays … Continue reading

Remember: God Has a Plan + My Focus Now

These past few days have been rough.  Really hard.  I have had severe anxiety and felt myself getting depressed yesterday. I decided to put a stop to it and today I’m so much better. Let me back up… Monday I woke … Continue reading

God is Teaching Me So Much

I almost always have so much on my mind that I want to write about.  A lot of times it’s jumbled because it doesn’t all fit together well.  So, I’m going to attempt to write out what’s on my mind … Continue reading

Transformed By the Renewing of My Mind

These past few months have been transformational.  I have grown in so many ways.  The biggest thing that I’ve learned is that what I believe about myself will be true.  If I believe that I can’t handle anything, that I am … Continue reading

Scared to Hope

scared to hope

I’ve been feeling good for about a month now.  My “feel good” time started out really strong with lots and lots of energy and motivation.  I really thought I was hypomanic but wasn’t sure.  I just kept going with it.  But also, when I started feeling good was just about 3-4 days after I started a new med.  I hoped that’s what was making me feel good.  Again, I wasn’t sure.

A month later, and I’m still feeling good.  This is just odd because I typically don’t feel good for very long.  Either I am struggling with severe anxiety, I’m hypomanic, or I’m depressed.  Just “feeling good” isn’t super common.  Sure, I have my good days, but this has lasted continuously for a month.  I can remember one day where I felt “down,” but it was because I was really tired and slept a lot.

Previous to this, I was pretty miserable.  I was pretty depressed.  I was sleeping all day, every day.  I wasn’t sleeping at night.  I was anxious.  My house was a complete disaster and there were always piles and piles of laundry.  I felt like I had no purpose in life and didn’t know what else to do with myself.  I just felt like that was my life from now on.

Part of this is because I put my kids in school and the homeschooling season is just over for our family.  Part of this was because I was so, so tired all the time.  I also have hypothyroid on top of my other issues.  Then I was just in a bad cycle of not sleeping at night and sleeping all day.  It’s hard to get out of that.  Now if I don’t sleep well, I try not to go back to sleep, and I end up sleeping better the next night.  If I do sleep during the day, it’s for like an hour, not 4 hours.

The hard thing for me right now is that I’m scared to hope too much.  I don’t want to assume that I’ll feel good consistently if that’s not reality.  I mean, everyone has bad days or “down” days, and I can handle that.  It’s the debilitating depression and severe anxiety that I cannot handle.  Well I guess I can handle it, but I really, really don’t want to.

I do have hope in Jesus, but I am also aware that He has never promised us an easy life and I know that perfection won’t happen till heaven.  In the mean time all I can do is take one day at a time and enjoy the good days.

Happy Weekend!

Hey guys!  I hope your weekend has started out well! I absolutely LOVE that I am no longer sleeping my weekend away!  I woke up a little later than a week day but it was still early enough to enjoy … Continue reading