I used to think that was dumb. I mean, I am ENOUGH where I am. Jesus loves me, my family loves me, and I don’t HAVE to change to prove that I am worthy. I know all of these things. … Continue reading
Most of you know my story. Losing my brother to suicide. Depression. Bipolar 2. Severe anxiety. Suicidal ideations. Trying to work and having to quit more times than I can count. Trying to homeschool so many times. Alcoholism. Inpatient stays … Continue reading
These past few days have been rough. Really hard. I have had severe anxiety and felt myself getting depressed yesterday. I decided to put a stop to it and today I’m so much better. Let me back up… Monday I woke … Continue reading
Consistency is hard for me. I am a planner and plan to do things often that I struggle with follow through on or just give up when things don’t go as planned. This has been a struggle for me my … Continue reading
This past week has been full of reflection. With the high profile suicides that are happening, my friend asked me if I was okay. She was concerned since I lost my brother to suicide and because of my own struggle … Continue reading
I almost always have so much on my mind that I want to write about. A lot of times it’s jumbled because it doesn’t all fit together well. So, I’m going to attempt to write out what’s on my mind … Continue reading
Yesterday, I relaxed all morning (drinking coffee of course), then I worked in the house all afternoon. The kids and I cleaned the whole house, I did some laundry, and I organized my office. I also made an amazing vision … Continue reading
I am currently sitting on my parents’ huge porch, on a recliner, with a blanket, and enjoying the sounds around me. The sprinkle on the tin roof, the rooster crowing, the turkey talking, and I’m playing my worship music as … Continue reading
I’m thankful for Facebook memories. They remind me of how hard things were the past several years in the spring/summer. They remind me of how great I’m doing right now. They remind me that making the decision to put the kids in school (or keep them in school) was the best decision we could have ever made. It has been amazing for all of us.
Even so, life isn’t perfect and there will be hard days/weeks.
I have been so so fatigued again lately despite falling asleep pretty easily most days, and I feel like it has been getting worse. I just had lab work done to check my thyroid and it’s normal now. I probably really should focus on movement. I need to get out and hike more (again). I feel so good when I do, but it’s so hard to convince myself to just get outside. I honestly don’t know if I have the energy to make it happen at this point. But I will try. I have to remind myself that any movement is a good thing. So a 10 minute walk to start is okay! That could be enough to jump start something!
I’ve had a little more anxiety this week as well (though nothing like this time last year and the year before). I’m trying to remember that there is absolutely nothing that I have to do in my day (well, except for picking the kids up from the bus and leading the 12 step meeting in Rocksprings). I always want a spotless house, the laundry caught up, etc because it truly helps me mentally. But I can also let it go for the day if I can’t focus on it for whatever reason. It’s perfectly okay.
Dealing with kid issues is often what causes my anxiety. Ethan has always been my hard kid. In the past, he threw tantrums all day every day. From a baby till not that long ago. When he was homeschooled it was really bad. He struggles badly with relationships and being the “mean kid.” Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with him. He is in counseling, he takes medication for ADHD now (started about a week and a half ago, and hopefully it’ll eventually help his impulsiveness), and his teacher and I are working with him. Unfortunately there are some who can’t see all the work he is doing and just focuses in on his flaws. But I can’t do anything about that. So we keep moving forward. I do need to pray for him more. That’s something big that will help. My friend also shared a scripture with me that I can pray over him and share with him each day.
Psalm 19:14 (from the International Children’s Bible)
“I hope my words and thoughts please you. Lord, you are my Rock, the one who saves me.”
I printed it and will be putting it on the boys’ wall. It would be a good thing for Levi to focus on as well :-).
This is my favorite part of my days lately. It is so so so fun. The women in the community are amazingly supportive and encouraging (who want to see each person succeed), making videos has become fun and less nerve-wracking, there are ALWAYS fun incentives and perks, I’ve made a little bit of money (and have the potential to make a lot over time), I love the makeup, I love the skin care, it’s so nice feeling pretty, I’m taking better care of myself, it gives me some purpose and something to look forward to, I enjoy sharing the makeup with friends and seeing their excitement for our products (and how they make them feel), and I could probably go on and on! I worked several hours today, and it was fun the whole time!
12 Step Meeting
The 12 step meeting is going really well even though we only have a few people going. We have a new guy that is getting what he needs from the group. There are a LOT of alcoholics and addicts in our little town and very few of them are in recovery. Everyone joins each other in their addiction and do it all together. I’m hoping that by being consistent and continuing to show up even if we only have a few people coming that we will be a soft place to land when enough is enough.
Unfortunately, everyone has grown up in their environment so they don’t know any different. Anyone trying to get out of active addiction have a hard time because it’s everywhere.
Yesterday I was 18 months sober!! It’s such an exciting thing!
Robert and the boys are camping and Karis was at a friend’s house until a little while ago. I did a lot of work because the next two weeks I have 4 Younique parties! They will be small, but it’ll be a good chance to learn. My first one will start Monday! I have lots of videos, photos and graphics, etc along with doing at least one live video each day. I hope to do games and activities.
I’ll let you know how they go!
I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
Today is a good day. I got up at 5:20 which is super early after not going to sleep till 11:30, but I am feeling pretty good despite that.
Ethan has been having tummy issues all weekend and again this morning, so he is home today. We’re always so torn about him missing school because he already struggles, but he can’t help it. It is what it is. He’s currently on the couch watching Wonder (again). I’m currently getting ready for the day ahead, including doing some work and planning in my Happy Planner (it makes me happy haha).
I plan to make a few videos and graphics today for my launch party on Wednesday evening for Younique (if you’re interested in joining, let me know!). I will be sharing about myself, my “why,” tutorials for how to use the make up, etc. It’s going to be fun! I’m hoping friends will be really active and involved!
Anyway… I was spending some time in worship this morning and gosh, I was just reminded about God’s love for me, then I was reminded how much He loves you as well. You should watch this video.
As many of you know, my friend and I started a 12 step meeting in our local town (Rocksprings). Through this, I have realized just how many addicts and alcoholics there are in town. The sad part is that there is such a divide among the people of Rocksprings. Those who are addicts (and honestly, most are hispanic and there’s a divide there as well), and those to just want them gone. And my heart is saying, “No! I don’t want them gone, I want them in recovery!” God loves them just as much as He loves me and you. This is really heavy on my heart because so many of them are caught up in the dealing and doing of drugs that they don’t see a way out. It’s all they’ve known.
God’s love is limitless. He doesn’t care what you’ve done because Jesus came and died for our sins and rose from the grave. That’s the beautiful news. The gospel. All we have to do is confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and that He rose from the grave. Ask for forgiveness. Give our lives to Him.
He is good.
Have a great day today remembering that Jesus love you!